


When We Were Kids

by ultrakindofqueer



Series: The Marauders - Life At Hogwarts [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, But He's Chill, Eventual Wolfstar - Freeform, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Humor, James Potter & Lily Evans Potter Live, James is a prat, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Sirius Black & James Potter Friendship, but they're clueless gay babies, it'll happen i promise, peter is their friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-15
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:57:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 28,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21809227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ultrakindofqueer/pseuds/ultrakindofqueer
Summary: The Marauders first year at Hogwarts. Friendships are blooming, enemies are being created, and relationships are confusing. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter are the perfect idiots. See what happens when they're put together in a dorm for seven years.
Relationships: Alice Longbottom & Lily Evans Potter, James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Lily Evans Potter & Severus Snape, Marlene McKinnon & Lily Evans Potter, Marlene McKinnon/Dorcas Meadowes, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: The Marauders - Life At Hogwarts [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1582015
Comments: 1
Kudos: 28





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first archive fic! Please be kind. I've done works on wattpad but this is a first. I've been dying to write a Marauders fic and I'm kind of proud of this. I hope you enjoy!

James couldn’t believe his luck. His first year at Hogwarts hadn’t even begun, and he was lost. He had gotten on the train, said goodbye to his parents and everything, but now he didn’t know where to go. The train was bustling with people everywhere and James was utterly lost. He found himself in the back of the train, opening the last compartment. His last hope. Inside was a young boy, a first-year by the looks of it. He had long, black hair and grey-blue eyes. He looked sad, so James decided this would be his best option. Better than the one compartment with a snide boy with long blonde hair. He had steered away from that situation immediately.

“Good afternoon! First time on the train?” James asked the boy, sitting across from him.

“That obvious?” The boy smiled sheepishly at him. “I’ve been looking forward to this day ever since I got my letter, but now that it’s here, I’m honestly scared. I have wizard friends, but none of the older ones like me enough to talk to me. I had no idea what to expect.”

“That’s terrible. I had some friends explain to me about first year, but nothing could’ve prepared me for this. The train is crazy!” James replied, a smile prominent on his face.

“You’re right. I’m Sirius by the way. Sirius Black.” The boy, Sirius, avoided eye contact as he said his name. Almost embarrassed looking. James, of course, knew why. The Black’s were famous in the wizarding world. A pureblood, dark magic family. Being a pureblood too, he recognized the name immediately. But he wasn’t scared by the mention of it. Sure, Sirius’ family weren’t the best people, but that didn’t mean Sirius would inherently be bad. James' parents had taught him well.

“Nice to meet you, Sirius. I’m James Potter.” James extended his hand to the boy, shaking hands with him. Sirius tentatively took his hand, not sure how to read the situation. Normally, people shied away from him the minute they heard his name. He expected it now. But this boy, James, he didn’t even flinch. He didn’t seem to even care.

“You heard me, right? I’m a Black.” Sirius continued, perplexed by the boy.

“Of course I heard you. I’m not deaf.” James joked, but after not getting a reaction from the boy, he continued. “I don’t care that you’re a Black. A name doesn’t mean anything. You could be completely different from your family. You’re just 11, I’m sure you’re not casting death spells left and right just yet, am I right?”

“I guess so” A laugh escaped Sirius. This boy seemed different. ”But how do you know I’m not evil?”

“You don’t exactly look it. But, I don’t know. I don’t like judging people based on a name. I’d prefer to get to know you before I do that.”

“You’re… nice.”

Before James could reply, another boy opened the compartment door. He was abnormally tall and nervous looking. When he opened the door and saw the other boys, he stood frozen, not sure what to do.

"Hi. I'm James Potter. What's your name?" James took the liberty of speaking. He was always pretty good at making friends, so he didn't even bat an eye. Sirius looked slightly uncomfortable, but there was something about the new boy that made him feel like he wanted to know him.

"Remus. Remus Lupin. I was just looking for an empty compartment, but it seems there aren't any." He avoided eye contact with either boy, taking an extreme interest in his shoes.

"Well, you can sit in here with us. We don't mind, do we Sirius?" James said, looking to Sirius for an agreement. Sirius nodded, moving over to make room for the boy. James had taken up the entire row of seats because he had propped up his feet. Remus came in and closed the door behind him, putting up his trunk and sitting a little down from Sirius.

"Are you both first years?" Remus asked tentatively. He seemed uncertain about the whole situation.

"Yep." Sirius said, popping the 'p'. "My name is Sirius. Black. Sirius Black."

"Nice to meet you." Remus smiled at the boy, not noticing the waver in his voice.

"How is it that I've met the only two people who don't run for the hills the moment I've said my name?" Sirius laughed, only half-joking. James snorted at this, shaking his head. Remus didn't seem to understand but smiled nonetheless.

"Not to burst your bubble, but I've never heard the name 'Black'," Remus told him, shrugging his shoulders. Sirius started laughing again, apparently finding the statement hilarious. He laughed for a solid two minutes, James joining in at some point. It even got to the point that Remus started laughing. He couldn't help it, Sirius' laughter was contagious.

"You've never heard the name?" Sirius asked between laughter. He had begun to calm down but hadn't stopped laughing just yet. 

"Nope," Remus confirmed, nodding.

"I assume you're not a pureblood then." James shrugged, making a good point that Sirius hadn't considered. He'd only ever been around purebloods, his family wouldn't allow it any different.

"No. I'm a halfblood," Remus told them simply, not ever having cared about his blood status. But for some reason, he was now conscious of the possibility of people thinking he's not good enough because of it. He felt odd and exposed.

"It's not that we care, it's just that the Black's are a pretty famous pureblood family, so it would make sense that you're not a pureblood if you don't know them. I've never been one to care about blood status, despite my family. I honestly don't think I've met a wizard or witch that wasn't a pureblood." Sirius explained, helping Remus understand.

"That's crazy," Remus said, shaking his head in disbelief. "But my parents don't have many friends, so I honestly haven't met that many wizards and witches at all. My childhood was a bit weird."

"Sounds like it. But now you have us, so don't sweat it." James told him, laughing a little. Remus laughed as well, nodding. 

"That's true." He smiled. "Do you know how long we have before we get to the castle?"

"Probably another hour or so. It takes a little while, but I don't know how long exactly. I just know it's hidden pretty deep in the country." James said.

"Wow, that's cool. I've been really excited about this, but I have no idea what to expect. My dad never told me much about Hogwarts, so I'm a bit in the dark." Remus explained, leaning back in his seat.

"It's beautiful," James exclaimed, smiling. "There are four houses, Gryffindor, Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, and Slytherin. They each have their own place, a tower or whatever the founder chose, with a common room and dormitory. There's a huge library and the Great Hall is spectacular. The ceiling has been bewitched to show the weather outside all the time. There are floating candles and four tables for each respective house. The teachers sit up in front of the tables and Dumbledore, the headmaster, sits in the middle. All the teachers seem pretty great, too. There's a head for each house. Minerva McGonagall is the head for Gryffindor, Pomona Sprout is the head for Hufflepuff, Filius Flitwick is the head for Ravenclaw, and Horace Slughorn is the head for Slytherin."

Remus listened intently to the boy, leaden with curiosity. One could say he was almost starry-eyed. "That's amazing. I can't until we get there. I wonder what houses we'll be in?"

"I figure I'll be in Gryffindor, that's where most of my family members were sorted into. Sirius, what about you?"

"Slytherin, obviously. If I don't get Slytherin, mom and dad will kill me. I'd be the only Black not to be in Slytherin, could you imagine?" He laughed despite the sad look in his eyes.

"You never know, Sirius," Remus said. "You're not your family. You're your own person and you can make your own destiny."

"I'm not too sure I can, Remus. The Black's are insane, but they're blood. I'm destined to be the heir. Despite not really looking forward to it, I don't have much of a choice." Sirius explained, looking defeated.

"You do. You always have a choice. Don't ever forget that."

-

"It looks like we're almost here, we should probably put our robes on," James exclaimed, standing up and gesturing to the window. Outside, the trees were gone and the lights of the castle were glowing in the distance. 

The boys got ready and by the time they were done, the train was slowing down. They grabbed their trunks and joined the other students in the walkway outside the compartments. It was like a madhouse. The walkway was packed with students and trunks and it was crazy. Finally, the train stopped and it was time to get off. Not a minute after everyone was off, the first years were taken with the gatekeeper, Hagrid, to the boats. James, Sirius, and Remus got a boat together with two other students, Lily Evans and Severus Snape.

"Is it time already for the famous Black heir to come to school?" Severus asked Sirius with a snide tone of voice. He seemed to know Sirius somehow, and he didn't seem to like him. 

"Severus, stop. Be nice." The girl, Lily, pleaded of the boy, tugging on his sleeve. She seemed close to him.

"Lily, you don't know the notorious Black family. They're awful. Dark magic, incest rooted purebloods. You don't understand."

"Don't talk about him like that! You don't know Sirius, so you don't have the right to talk about him like you do." James stuck up for his friend, already not liking the new boy.

"And I'm so sure you know him well?" Severus replied, an idiotic grin on his face.

"I know him better than you do! He's good! He's kind and funny and not at all like his family." James continued, beginning to get a little hotheaded. He wasn't one to hate someone without a basis, but this boy struck a chord and James couldn't help but strongly dislike him already.

"Whatever. Lily, don't find yourself caught up with these idiots. They're not good for you." Severus turned to the girl, ignoring the other boys completely. James turned to Sirius and saw that he was grinning at him.

"Sirius?" James was concerned, he expected Sirius to be sad or at least angry, but he was grinning.

"You stuck up for me. No one's ever done that for me," He said, quietly. He hugged James, only for a second. James was so shocked he didn't even have a chance to hug him back. "Thank you."

"It wasn't a big deal," James told him, shaking off the shock. "He was being a prat, it was the best I could. You don't deserve that. You've done nothing to prove him right. You're a good kid, don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

"Guys, I hate I break up the heartfelt conversation, but look." Remus gestured in front of them. The castle had become very prominent without their noticing.

"Wow." Both James and Sirius said at the same time, mouths wide open. It was beautiful, like a painting. None of the boys could believe it was real. 

"I- wow." Remus agreed. "I knew it was beautiful, but this is insane."

"Yeah." The other two nodded.

Not soon after, the boats stopped and everyone got off. Hagrid lead them into the castle, stopping after they had climbed some stairs. A door stood in front of them, intriguing everyone. 

"Good evening, first years!" Hagrid exclaimed. "Welcome to Hogwarts. We are in front of the Great Hall, where you will be sorted. Unfortunately, I have to leave you. But don't fret, Professor McGonagall will be here shortly. Good luck!" With that, Hagrid left. The first years exploded into chatter. You could feel the excitement.

"How do we get sorted?" Remus asked, looking worried.

"Don't worry, you put on a hat that tells you what house you belong in. It's a little frightening, being up in front of the whole school body, but it's fast. And then you eat! I've heard the food magically appears." Sirius told Remus, smiling to give him hope. Honestly, he was nervous too, but he didn't want to worry the boy.

"That's awesome!"

"Good evening, first years." A voice boomed over the students, creating immediate silence. The voice belonged to a rather strict-looking professor. McGonagall, the boys assumed. "It is time for your sorting. I will lead you into the Great Hall and you will be called up in random order. When you are called, you will go up and sit on the stool to be sorted. When your house is decided, you will go sit at the table of your new house. Your robes will automatically change to coordinate with the appropriate house. I wish you good luck. Let us go!" 

The doors opened on their own and the students were lead into the Great Hall. Gasps could be heard as everyone saw the grand decorations. Remus' mouth hung open, he was astounded. Of course, he had guessed it would be extravagant with James' description, but he couldn't quite believe how amazing it truly was. 

McGonagall stopped them in front of the hall. On a small platform stood a stool. On top of that stool was a bettered brown hat. Everyone was curious about the hat, but their questions were shortly answered. The hat started singing. It had a sort of mouth flap and it was a spectacular scene to witness. The students were entranced listening to the song. It told the story of the founders and described the houses. It finished within a few minutes and the hall erupted with claps and shouts. 

"We will begin the sorting. Severus Snape." McGonagall started the ceremony and it went by quickly. So far, none of the three boys had been called. A bunch of people that none of them recognized were called before one of them. 

"James Potter," McGonagall called, causing James to jump up in excitement. He walked up and sat down, knee bouncing. McGonagall sat the hat on his head it took about 2 seconds before it shouted its answer.

"GRYFFINDOR!" 

The entire Gryffindor table erupted into shouts and whoops and claps. James smiled at his friends as he made his way to the table. He hoped they would soon join him, but he tried not to get his hopes up.

A few more people were sorted before the next person of their friend group was called up. "Remus Lupin." 

Remus gingerly walked up and sat down. He didn't have a clue as to where he belonged, but he did want to be with James. He really liked James. That was the only thought racing through his head as the hat was placed on his head. The hat took it's time deciding. Probably about 20 seconds before it shouted out its answer.

"GRYFFINDOR!" 

Remus couldn't wipe the smile off of his face as he heard the table shout and clap for him. They didn't even know him or his secrets, but they welcomed him with a warm embrace nonetheless. He smiled at Sirius as he passed him, hoping the boy would soon join them. Sirius looked scared. Conflicted.

"Sirius Black." The Slytherin table clapped for the young boy. Sirius hated that. He wished for a different last name. A different family. A different life. He hated it all and he desperately wanted to be different. Both out of spite for his horrendous parents and out of the deep feeling that he wasn't like them. He wasn't dark and evil. He was Sirius. He was good.

"Ooh. Another Black. I assumed Slytherin for you, but you're different. This is interesting. Yes." The hat spoke inside his mind when it was placed on Sirius' head. It made him jump, but when he realized no one else could hear it, he calmed down.

"You seem to want Gryffindor, how interesting. I've never met a Black who wasn't wired strictly for Slytherin. I think we have a rebel. Your parents will find that interesting." Sirius bit his lip. The hat was right, he would be practically disowned. That should scare him, but it made him want Gryffindor even more. 

"I don't want to be like them." Sirius thought.

"Then I think we have our answer." The hat replied.

"GRYFFINDOR!"

The Great Hall went silent. You could hear the collective intake of breath. Not even the Gryffindor table clapped. Sirius stood up and made his way over. About halfway over, the Gryffindor table started clapping. The shock had worn off. It was a deafening sound, but Sirius didn't care. He was ecstatic. James and Remus were right, he could choose his own destiny. And he couldn't wait.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys meet their roommate and Sirius receives a letter from his mother.

After Dumbledore gave his speech and everyone ate, the houses were lead back to their respective common rooms. The Gryffindor prefects lead the first-years in front of the group. They explained to the students about the portrait, which was called 'The Fat Lady', that allowed entrance into the common room. One prefect told them about having to have a password and that it was currently 'dung tail', which caused most the first-years to break into laughter, the three boys included. 

As they approached the portrait, excited whispering broke out. Everyone was stoked to see what the common room looked like and who they would dorm with. When the portrait swung open, everyone rushed through it. The three friends got pushed to the back, not at excited as everyone else, apparently. 

"This is the common room. Everyone is allowed to be in here. There is no curfew in this room, but McGonagall prefers all students to be out by midnight. She won't discipline you if she finds you here later than that, though. The boy's dormitory is to the left and the girls is to the right. As you will soon find out, the stairs to the girl's dormitory are bewitched to turn into a slide if a boy tries to go up them. The boy's stairs have no such bewitching." The boy prefect winked, earning a slap from his girl counterpart. 

"Boys, if you will follow me, we will head up to your dormitory. Dorm assignments are posted on the doors. You trunks have already been sent up." The boy prefect lead them up the stairs. When they got up, there was a long hallway lined with doors on either side. "Before I let you go, breakfast begins at 6 am tomorrow morning and ends at 10 am. You will get your schedules at breakfast tomorrow, so make sure you are there. You are not permitted to be anywhere outside of the Gryffindor tower after 11 pm. If anyone sees you, you will get into trouble. Don't be stupid. Now, have a good night!"

Sirius was the first to find the dorm he was assigned to, which was lucky for everyone else as they were all rooming together. James, Sirius, and Remus entered the room to find another boy already there. Four to a room it seemed. 

"Good evening! My name is James. This is Sirius and Remus. What's your name?" James introduced themselves to the new boy. He smiled nervously at them from where he was sitting on his bed.

"My name is Peter. Nice to meet you. I see we're all roommates?" The boy told them, his voice very quiet. 

"It seems like it!" Sirius agreed, jumping on one of the beds. "This one's mine!" 

"This one's mine!" James mimicked, jumping on the bed to Sirius' left. 

"I guess this one's mine, then." Remus laughed, sitting on the remaining bed. "It's nice to have a bed, I'm exhausted."

"Me too. But I'm too excited to sleep. This is awesome. I want to explore the castle!" James said, jumping up from the bed.

"You don't have long, it's already 10 o'clock." Remus reminded him, checking his watch.

"Oh ho ho. But I have a secret." James said, going over to his trunk and digging through it before pulling something out. It was like a cloak, but it was silver and flowy and looked bizarre. 

"Is that an invisibility cloak?" Remus exclaimed, jumping up from his bed to examine the cloak. 

"Indeed. So it doesn't matter how long I stay out if I have this little thing with me." James smiled from ear to ear, throwing the cloak around his shoulders. His body disappeared, so it looked like he was a floating head. The other three boys gasped.

"That's amazing! How many people fit under that thing?" Sirius asked, poking James' torso to make sure he was still there (he was).

"Two, if you wanna come. But only two. So you'll have to fight over it." James told them. 

"I'm out. That's risky and I don't plan on getting detention on the first day we're here." Remus said, shaking his head and going back to his bed.

"I agree. I wouldn't want to get in trouble this soon. You two can go." Peter agreed with Remus, staying put.

"Whatever floats your boats. Sirius and I are going to have fun!" James exclaimed, letting Sirius get under the cloak too. James lifted it over their heads and the two boys disappeared completely. Though, as they left, Remus could hear their laughter and see the door open.

-

The boys returned around 11:30 pm, entering the room in a fit of laughter. They soon quieted down, noticing their roommates were asleep. James and Sirius went to bed after they changed for the night, finally exhausted. 

Remus was the first to wake up, doing so around 8 am. He wasn't sure why he woke up so early, but he wasn't able to go back to sleep. He got up and dressed before sitting back on his bed to read. He didn't want to go to breakfast alone, so he waited for the next person to get up. That person happened to be Sirius. He woke up about an hour later. He got up and went to the bathroom to get ready without even noticing Remus. He was shocked to see that the boy was up when he came back into the room.

"Good morning, Remus." Sirius greeted, whispering as not to wake the others.

"Morning." He replied, setting his book down. "You hungry? I waited for someone to get up before going down to breakfast. I didn't want to be alone."

"I would've done the same thing. And yes, I am hungry. And excited to see what food we have today. Last nights meal was so amazing, I can't imagine how the breakfast will be!"

"Me either. But let's go see."

The two boys went down to breakfast, not getting lost even once thanks to Sirius' late night exploring. The Gryffindor table was packed, considering breakfast ended in an hour. Remus briefly thought of the two soundly sleeping boys in their room but diminished the thought just as quick. He was too hungry to worry.

"Are you excited to get your schedule?" Sirius asked him as they filled their plates with delicious-looking food.

"Of course! I'm excited about all the classes too. I've only been to muggle school, so I'm excited to see what the classes are like here." Remus told him.

"What are muggle schools like?"

"They're not too bad. You have four or five basic classes you take each year. Math, which is like counting and numbers. History, which we have here. English, which is learning how to properly write and speak. And science, which is hard to explain. In some classes, you learn about the Earth and what it's compiled of, and in other classes, you learn about the elements that make up the Earth. And in another, you learn about the human body and all the organisms on Earth. It's pretty interesting stuff. There are also foreign language classes, but I haven't taken one before. You learn how to speak and write in other languages."

"That's amazing! I wish my parents would've let me hang around with people other than purebloods. The muggle world is fascinating to me." Sirius said, taking a bite of toast as he appeared in deep thought.

Not much longer than the two arrived at breakfast, James and Peter came down.

"Good morning." James greeted them, filling his plate up as soon as he sat down. 

"Morning, guys. I was beginning to worry you'd sleep through breakfast." Sirius joked, laughing at the boy's eye rolls.

"We're not that thick." James shot back playfully. "The breakfast here is really good. Which I expected, considering how amazing last night's dinner was. But still."

"It really is." Peter agreed.

McGonagall came by their part of the table right after that. She had their schedules and handed them out, saying good morning to them and welcoming them to Gryffindor as well. The four boys eagerly took them, comparing schedules. They all had the same classes since it was their first year and they had to get the basics out of the way.

"We have potions with the Slytherins at the end of the day." Sirius groaned, throwing his head back in displeasure. "I hoped I could escape the Slytherin house for the next seven years."

"Oh, splendid. I can't wait to have a class with the lovely Severus." James sighed, sharing Sirius' unpleasant feelings. "If any Slytherin says anything about you, I will fight them without hesitation."

"Let's not be drastic," Remus said, looking disapproving of the statement. "I wouldn't be opposed to hurting an idiot Slytherin either, but there are rules. And those rules would put us in detention."

"Oh, don't be such a downer." James frowned."

"He's right. As fun as it would be to pummel some idiot Slytherins, we'd get in a lot of trouble. And I don't need that. None of us do." Sirius told James, making a good point.

-

The rest of the day was spent exploring the grounds and hanging around the common room, imagining how the first day of school would be. James, Sirius, Remus, and Peter bonded over their shared nervousness about starting school. It was daunting. A new section of their life was about to start and they weren't sure if they were ready. Eventually, they ate dinner and returned to their dormitory. The night had crept up and the first day of school was looming over them. At this point in the night, there was nothing left to do to distract them from their fears, so they all sat on their individual beds in silence.

Remus was the first to call it a night. "It's pointless to sit here and worry about the inevitable. It's best to get a good night's sleep before our first day." He said. The other boys agreed with him but did nothing to follow up with it.

Peter was the second to fall to his mind's will. He was tired and Remus had made a good point. James and Sirius bid him good night but stayed up in continued silence. James was laying on his bed, staring at the ceiling while Sirius was looking out the window. Neither boy talked but both needed the presence of the other. Eventually, sleep came. First for Sirius, then for James. Farther into the night, James was awakened by a scream. It seemed to the boy that no one else was affected by the noise, so James had to figure it out for himself.

It ended up being Sirius who had emitted the noise. He was currently sitting up in his bed, shaking. James rushed over to the boy when he noticed his situation and put the pieces together.

"Sirius, what's wrong?" He asked the young boy, climbing into his bed. Sirius didn't speak and wouldn't stop shaking. He was petrified and James didn't know what to do. In the end, he woke up Remus, who seemed like he could deal with this type of thing.

"Sirius, hey. Look at me. Whatever happened is over now and you have nothing to worry about. It's okay. It's going to be okay. We're here with you, James and I. We're not leaving you." Remus comforted him effortlessly, choosing the perfect words without a thought. James was impressed, to say the least.

"I'm sorry." Were the first words to come from Sirius after he calmed down. He relaxed into his pillow, sighing deeply. He closed his eyes for some time, but eventually opened them again and looked at his two friends.

"You have nothing to be sorry for. Are you alright?" Remus spoke, his tone gentle and reassuring.

"Sure." Sirius laughed, easing the atmosphere. "It was a bad dream, that's all."

"That's perfectly normal. Everyone gets bad dreams. Do you want to talk about it?" Remus continued comforting him, leaving James to sit there with the best reassuring look he could muster up.

"Not really, but I know I should." Sirius took a deep breath before continuing, "It was my parents. I haven't been able to get the thought of them out of my head ever since the sorting. They're bound to find out and when they do it'll be terrible. They'll never like me again. I'll be a disgrace. I wouldn't be surprised if I get disowned."

"No matter what happens with your parents, the three of us will here for you. Always." James told him, finally speaking. Remus nodded, agreeing.

"I couldn't have asked for better roommates or friends. You guys really are great, you know." Sirius smiled at the two, allowing his bed to fully engulf him. "It's well past time we all get back to sleep. But thank you for helping me, really. It's never easy to wake up in a cold sweat. You guys really helped me get through it."

"It was no problem, Sirius. I hope you sleep better. Good night." Remus said, getting up along with James. They all three went back to bed and there were no more disruptions that night. Sirius slept better than he had in months.

-

The next morning, the boys went down to breakfast impossibly early. The Great Hall started breakfast, on school days, at 5:30 am. The four of them left their dormitory at 5:35 am. Excitement was thick in the air, surrounding all of the students. No one could be found without a smile, except for some select 5th and 7th years.

Once the boys sat down at the Gryffindor table, they ate in silence. Excitement consumed them and they were stuck in their thoughts. Soon enough, the Great Hall filled with students. Conversations blend together and soon the hall is bustling with noise that you can hear in the corridor outside. When the food is finished and the boys have no more distractions, conversation flows from their mouths.

"I'm most excited for Transfiguration," James says, starting the conversation. "I know McGonagall seems tough, but I really think the class will be interesting. What about you guys?"

"I'm most excited for Defense Against The Dark Arts," Remus replies, shrugging. "But every class seems interesting to me."

I'm the same way," Peter nods. "I'm just excited to start the year."

Before someone could reply, the owls swarmed in and made their way across the hall to deliver letters and packages to their owners. None of the boys were expecting mail, but an owl flew beside Sirius and dropped a big, red letter in front of him Gasps could be heard as the Gryffindors around him fell into silence. The purebloods and halfbloods immediately knew what it was. A howler. The worst piece of mail that one could ever get. And Sirius had one on his breakfast plate.

"What'd you do this early, mate?" James laughed, not expecting the answer he received.

"It's from my parents," Sirius told the other three with a shaky voice. James winced. "They've got to have heard about the sorting. I can't open this here, everyone can not hear this." Sirius stood up and grabbed his letter, which was steaming. He booked it toward the doors, James, Remus, and Peter at his heels. Eyes attached to him as he made his way across the Great Hall. Everyone he passed stared knowingly. The letter was steaming more and more with every step. Sirius was shaking, trying to avoid the worst of it. Right as he neared the door, the letter burst open from his hands. He waited too long and now everyone was going to hear his families opinions about their newly disgraced son.

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU? A POSTER CHILD FOR THE BLACK FAMILY! GRYFFINDOR! YOUR FATHER IS MORTIFIED. HOW COULD YOU HAVE GOTTEN INTO THIS MESS? YOU WERE THE HEIR! THE PERFECT CHILD! EVEN REGULUS IS EMBARRASSED TO HAVE A GRYFFINDOR IN THE FAMILY. YOU ARE A DISGRACE! WE HAVE GOTTEN NUMEROUS LETTERS FROM THE FAMILY LAUGHING AT US. YOU HAVE MADE THE BLACK FAMILY LOOK LIKE A PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR PUREBLOODS. JUST WAIT UNTIL CHRISTMAS WHEN WE CAN GET OUR HANDS ON YOU! REGULUS WILL BE OUR HEIR AND YOU WILL BE EXPELLED FROM THIS FAMILY FROM NOW ON. I WILL NOT STAND FOR A GRYFFINDOR CHILD! YOU ARE NO LONGER A BLACK. NO ONE FROM THAT TRAITOROUS HOUSE WILL BE ALLOWED IN THIS FAMILY! IF YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD ESCAPE US, YOU WERE WRONG! ENJOY BEING A TRAITOROUS DEADBEAT AND I HOPE YOU HEAR MY VOICE EVERY TIME YOU SEE THE GREEN AND SILVER SEAL! GOOD RIDDANCE." Sirius stood frozen from shock, still in the Great Hall. It had gone silent from the start of the letter, the whole student body listening to the contents. No student dared to speak for minutes after it went quite. Finally, the Slytherin table started laughing. Cheering for Mrs. Black. Cheering for Sirius to become a disgrace. Sirius was mortified. And his friends were furious. No mother should ever even think that about their child that way, let alone share it with said child. James was shaking with anger. Remus was close. Peter was astonished.

Sirius continued to stand there. Not sure what to do with himself. Before he could figure it out, someone grabbed hold of his arm and lead him out of the Great Hall and down a corridor. He wasn't paying attention to where he was going. He didn't register what he was seeing, still shocked. He didn't even come back to the present until they stopped. He took in his surroundings and found that his friends had brought him to an empty classroom. He was thankful.

"Sirius..." James was the first to speak, pity and sympathy thick in his words. "Sirius, I don't know how to even start."

"Yeah, me either." Sirius laughed, shortly and with no emotion. He had begun to take in the words, understanding them and thinking about what just happened. "I just got chewed out and practically disowned just for being different. I was diminished as the heir and replaced by my brother. They will no longer treat me like their child. I will only be a thing they have to deal with. I will be ignored and displaced. I will be forgotten."

"I would like to speak with Mr. Black." A voice broke Sirius from his ramble, sending him spinning around to put a name to the voice. It happened to be Professor McGonagall.

"Professor, we didn't mean to intrude on an empty classroom, we just wanted to get Sirius out of there-" James tried to cover up their doings, scared they would get into trouble. Professor McGonagall interrupted him.

"You did no wrong. I would like to speak with Mr. Black." She waved James off, not worrying about the boys. "Alone."

"Of course. We'll be in the common room." James nodded, leading Remus and Peter out.

"Professor, I tried to leave the Great Hall. I didn't mean to disrupt breakfast. I tried, I promise." Sirius looked terrified, and he was. He was shaking and tears were welling in his eyes faster than he could blink them away.

"It was not your fault. The letter should never have been written to you in the first place. It was horrendous for a mother to say something like that." McGonagall reassured him, gesturing for him to sit in a nearby chair.

"My mother is not like other mothers."

"I have gathered that," McGonagall said. "The Slytherins have been dealt with, Slughorn has taken points and talked with them. Dumbledore and I have arranged for your class materials to be sent to you at the end of the day if you wish to not attend class. I will understand if you do not want to."

"Yeah, I think it'd be better to stay out of them for the day. Is it possible for James, Remus, and Peter to stay with me? I understand it's the first day and all, but I would rather not be alone and all that. It's totally okay if you can't do that-"

"I can arrange that. Would you like to stay in the common room?"

"Actually, I would rather go to the library. I don't want to be around a bunch of other people. I couldn't take the look of pity." Sirius told her, looking down at the floor.

"That's perfectly understandable. I will talk to Pince and let her know of the situation. And don't worry about food, I'll manage that." McGonagall made for the door but stopped short. "And Sirius?"

"Yes, Professor?"

"My door is always open. I've been told I make very good tea and biscuits."

"Thank you, Professor." Sirius smiled, waiting for a few minutes to leave. He didn't want to follow McGonagall and he needed a second to take it all in. His head of house treated him like a normal student, not a disaster or a monster. She cared for him in a time of need. No adult had ever done that for him.


	3. Three

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There is minor mention of past abuse. It's just a couple of sentences and it's not graphic at all! Just a warning.

"Where've you been? You were with McGonagall for almost 20 minutes! Classes start in 10 minutes!" James ran to Sirius the minute the portrait opened. No other students were in the common room. Sirius laughed at his eagerness and just motioned for him to follow him as he walked over to the staircase.

"About that. We don't have to go to classes today. Just us four, obviously. McGonagall told me she totally understood that I didn't feel like going to classes after what happened. I asked her if I could have you guys with me because I didn't want to be alone. She said yes, so we get to chill in the library all day. She's even supplying food." Sirius lead his friends up to their dormitory. Sirius discarded his robe and James did the same. Remus changed into a sweater and Peter stayed the same. Soon after, the four of them headed to the library. 

"You seem awfully calm about this whole thing, Sirius." Remus pointed out as the neared the library. Everyone else felt the same, but no one voiced it. James nodded feverishly.

"I have to be," Sirius said nonchalantly. 

"That's not right," Peter stated, eyeing his friend with worry. There was a similar look in James and Remus' eyes.

"Nothing about my family is right. I've dealt with this kind of stuff for years. It's become the standard. I mean, I'm not happy about it by any means, but I'll have to deal with it. It's ok, I'm going to be fine. I have to be. When I go back for Christmas-"

"When you what?!" James exclaimed, interrupting Sirius.

"Go back for Christmas?" Sirius repeated, eyeing James questioningly. He didn't know what was wrong.

"You're not going back for Christmas, Sirius. Merlin's beard, you shouldn't ever go back. You can't just act like everything's normal because it's not. I say this because I'm your friend, but you're being a twat. There is no way you're going back. I will personally stay here with you to make sure you stay." James told him, voice rising. 

"James you heard what she said. She kicked me out of the legacy but still mentioned Christmas. I don't have a choice. I have to go back and deal with it. It will only make it worse if I don't." Sirius explained, sighing. He hated the whole situation. 

"I don't care. And you shouldn't either. It's going to be bad no matter when you go back. And you have the option to stay here. It's ultimately your decision, but I strongly suggest staying here. You'd have fun and get to relax without fighting with your family for a month."

"James is right," Remus spoke. "It's going to suck no matter when you go back to see them. Whether it's Christmas break or summer break. I say stay here and enjoy yourself. Home will be hell and you need to avoid it as long as possible." 

"God, I hate that you two are right." Sirius frustratingly exclaimed. "But I will have to face it at some point, and it's not going to be good. I almost regret choosing Gryffindor."

"You'll learn to love it. We'll be your family. You'll always have us, no matter what happens." James says. Remus and Peter agree, and Sirius sighs. 

"You guys are the best."

-

The rest of the day was spent conversing with each other. James made it his mission to cheer up his friend. It was the most he could do at this point, but he was going to make the best of it. McGonagall kept her word and brought them food, checking on Sirius. It was a peaceful day, perfect to distract Sirius from the more pressing situations. But like all things, it came to an end. Remus decided it would be better to go back to the common room later at night, so they could minimize the number of people they would have to run into. Sirius agreed and they did just that. 

Around 8 pm, the library door opened. Sirius assumed it to be McGonagall coming to tell them they needed to go back, but it was a first-year girl. She had bright, auburn hair that flowed down her back. She was the first person to come into the library that day, apart from McGonagall. The professor had instructed that no student was allowed to go to the library that day. And no one had come in. Except for now. There had to be a reason Pince let her in, presumably that she wouldn't bother them at all. Sirius put his trust in McGonagall and Pince and tried to ignore the girl. He succeeded in the beginning, but he couldn't help but follow her around with his eyes. He wasn't being creepy, he was just confused as to how she wasn't all over him with questions, pity, or insults. He finally got a glimpse of her robes, which displayed the Gryffindor seal. That confused him even more.

Sirius had fallen quiet in his attempts to study the girl. His friends noticed and soon fell silent, not long after. All four of them eyed the girl, watching her find the book she was searching for and proceed to check it out. Before she walked out, she came by their table.

"My name's Lily Evans. I know you're going through a lot right now, but I want you to know that I understand about unpleasant households. Obviously not in the way you do, but I'm here to talk if you'd ever want to. Have a good night." She spoke with a smooth voice. She seemed kind and Sirius couldn't help but smile as she walked away. At least there was someone who didn't think he was something to be pitied. 

"I'm going to marry that girl one day," James muttered, lovestruck. The other three boys burst into laughter at the statement.

"She didn't even look at you, let alone talk to you." Peter pointed out, calming down from the laughing fit.

"She's perfect." James ignored his friends, staring in the direction Lily had left. 

"You're insane."

-

Night came and went, leaving Sirius with bags under his eyes and a deep fear of what the new day held for him. He didn't get one bit of sleep, too nervous about everything. When the sun did rise and it was an appropriate time for him to get up and get ready, he sprang out of bed. 

He decided to leave without waking his friends, thinking about taking a walk around the grounds before the day started. Maybe to clear his mind or maybe to procrastinate the inevitable. 

"Sirius Black." A voice came from behind the boy, startling him. Sirius whipped around, finding himself in the presence of the one and only Lucius Malfoy. The Malfoy's were as notorious as the Black's. A pureblood family rooted in dark magic. Sirius hated the Malfoy's, but he especially hated Lucius. They were forced to be friends, as their parents hung out a lot together. Sirius had always hated Lucius, ever since he was a little boy.

"Lucius Malfoy," Sirius replied in the same, monotone voice. Despite the fear flowing through his veins, he acted calm and collected.

"Trouble in paradise?" The boy asked in a fabricated sympathetic tone, a smirk taking up the lower half of his face. 

"You heard." 

"The entire student body did. It was quite entertaining, witnessing a Black get dethroned. I would pay good money to see it again." Lucius said snidely.

"Of course you would. Is there a reason you sought me out or did you just want to gloat?"

"I just happened to see you on my walk this morning and came over to say hello. There's nothing wrong with greeting a friend, is there?" Lucius' overly-sarcastic voice made Sirius sick. And happy he wasn't a Slytherin so he wouldn't have to deal with the idiot in front of him on a daily basis.

"We are not friends." Sirius spat.

"Then how come I've known you for 9 years?" 

"Because our families thought it would be wise to socialize their children but couldn't dare have them in the presence of anyone but purebloods."

"Wise indeed." Lucius stood for a second after he spoke and then left. Sirius watched him leave for a minute before deciding to go back to Gryffindor Tower. It wasn't a long walk and trying to clear his mind was impossible now. 

When he got back, his three friends were all awake. "Before you rush me, I went on a walk to clear my mind and ran into Lucius Malfoy, so I came back. Yes, I'm fine and no, I don't want to talk about it." No one said anything for a minute, but then James burst out laughing. It was so odd and unexpected that the rest of the boys started laughing.

"Alright then," Remus said once they all calmed down. "Did you eat yet? We were about to go down to breakfast."

"No, I didn't. I'd be glad to join you." Sirius replied, throwing on his robes.

"Are you sure you can be in the Great Hall? We'd be just fine to fix you a pate and bring it back." James asked him, eyeing him with worry.

"I'll be fine. I have to do it eventually, so I might as well start with the worst." Sirius shrugged, trying (and failing) to look calm.

"If you're sure, then we can go. We just don't want you to be pressured into doing this too soon. I know it's going to be hard." James continued.

"I'll be fine." Sirius snapped. "Sorry, I just know I need to get it over with and I don't want to have second thoughts."

"You're fine. Let's go." James nodded, leading them out of the dormitory room. "I'll fight anyone who comes at you, though."

"James-" Sirius began but was interrupted by Remus.

"He will hold himself back out of respect for you. Won't you, James?"

"Yes," James muttered. He looked like a child who just got told they couldn't have ice cream.

"Good."

The boys headed to the Great Hall in silence. The other three could practically feel how nervous Sirius was by just looking at him. He was as pale as snow. The walk was short. Well, shorter than Sirius would've liked. They were standing in the doorway of the Great Hall within 5 minutes. James walked in, followed by Peter. Remus started to walk in but noticed the fourth boy was standing frozen in front of the doors. He had a look on his face not short of terror. Remus motioned to James and turned back toward Sirius.

"Are you ok to go in, Sirius? The offer still stands for us to fix you a plate and bring it somewhere else. You don't have to do this today. No one will judge you for it, I promise." Remus told him, standing directly in front of the boy. The two were closer than they should've been, but it felt normal. 

"I can do it." He said, more to himself than to Remus. "I just. Need a minute."

"That's perfectly fine. I'll stay here until you're ready, Sirius."

"Thank you." The reply came as a whisper muttered between the two. Sirius was vulnerable, which he hated. For as long as he could remember, Sirius would hide his feelings with sarcasm or inappropriate jokes. It had become second nature to him. Feelings weren't allowed. Crying got him grounded or beat or both. He had learned from a young age never to show emotion and he was used to it by now. But at this moment, Sirius couldn't help it. He was scared.

"Ok. Let's go." Sirius took a deep breath and lead Remus in. The two found James and Peter quickly. They were sat as close to the door as they could possibly get, in case they needed to leave at a moment's notice. 

"The breakfast looks exceptional this morning," James said, more as a way to break the silence that had formed among the four. "Do any of you know where the kitchen is?"

"It's right by the Hufflepuff entrance. I can show you one day if you're interested." A young girl who was sitting beside James spoke. She looked to be the same year as they were. "My name's Marlene McKinnon, first year."

"Nice to meet you. And I think I'll take you up on that offer sometime." James responded, smiling at the girl.

"You're Sirius Black, right?" Marlene directed her question to Sirius, who looked like a deer in headlights. He nodded shortly, not speaking in fear of his voice cracking. "I heard your mother yesterday, as everyone did. But, that's beside the point. I just know that must've sucked. I'm down to be friends and scare off the idiots who try to bully you for it. No one deserves that shit."

"Thank you. I'd like that." Sirius nodded, his voice quiet. 

"No problem, my dude. Now, just come to me any time and I will kick some ass."


	4. Four

The whole day was largely uneventful for the four boys. Classes were easy, as it was the beginning of the year. There was some overall review and basic information that they learned, not actually doing much. The only class that was worthy of recounting was Potions. The four Gryffindors had Double Potions with the Slytherins. Which was already a mess without the whole getting dethroned thing. Slughorn tried his best to sort everyone out, but even he couldn't manage the kids. Being the Slytherin head, he wasn't kind to the Gryffindors much at all, but he seemed to own up to his sense of decency and try to make it at least bearable for Sirius. Try being the keyword. A certain Severus Snape did test his abilities of control.

The young boy was nonetheless a pure Slytherin. Snotty attitude and an air of betterness surrounded him. Sirius immediately hated him, recognizing the same qualities he tried to diminish in himself. Though Sirius wouldn't admit it, with his strict upbringing, the Slytherin qualities did resign in him somewhere. He just did all he could to erase them. But times like these reminded him that they were there and weren't going anywhere. 

After what felt like a week, Slughorn dismissed the class. The end of the day was signified and all Sirius wanted to do was collapse in his nice, warm, cozy bed in Gryffindor Tower. But of course, that wouldn't happen. Severus corned them once class ended.

"I see you made it through the day." He commented snidely. Sirius noted that his hair oozed grease and made a mental note to use it against him somehow.

"I see you made it through the class. Thought you would've burst into flames if you didn't get to insult me in some way." Sirius retorted, packing his bag in space of looking at the boy. 

"I used my waiting time wisely. You see, paying attention in class will earn me points with Slughorn. And with that, I will be free to speak about anyone at any time however I wish." Severus gloated, a smirk sitting on his face unpleasantly. 

"How lovely. I can't wait to see the day when you learn to properly insult people." Sirius tried to leave, but Severus blocked the way. James, Peter, and Remus huffed, wanting this to be over just as much as Sirius did. They stood behind Sirius, grouped together like a security team.

"Severus, leave the boys alone. It is the second day of the year, I can't deal with bullying just yet." Slughorn called from his desk. He sounded exasperated, which was valid.

"Oh, that's no fun," Severus muttered as he pranced away, a frown on his face. Lily Evans followed him like a puppy followed its owner. The young girl had stood to the side of the conversation, patiently waiting for her friend to be finished so they could leave. She did not once seem upset at the ignorance Severus was spewing at the Gryffindor boys.

"I have a feeling we're going to hate him for a long time," James concluded as the four of them walked to the tower. Agreements were murmured and words were not shed at the dispense of the idiotic Slytherin boy that intruded on their lives.

The rest of the day was just as simple as the beginning: they did close to nothing. James dragged the other three to the Quidditch pitch because he had just been informed that Quidditch tryouts were in a week. Remus, of course, knew that the first years were hardly ever picked for the team, but he didn't want to burst James' bubble. For the remainder of the evening, Quidditch was all James talked about. He had read Quidditch Through The Ages approximately 8,000 times and he felt he need to share every single fact he could. His interest was gleeful, but it got a bit annoying toward the end of the night. There were only so many times you could hear the same information before you needed a break.

When the boys got back to their dorm, James and Sirius talked about classes and the like. James said that he thought that Transfiguration would be really interesting, but Defense About The Dark Arts was his favorite class so far. Sirius agreed with Defense Against The Dark Arts, but he was really interested in Charms. Soon enough, Remus joined their conversation.

"I think Potions seems interesting, honestly. You can do a lot with it." Remus told them, making a good point.

"Honestly, everything seems interesting. Especially flying lessons." James smiled evilly having brought the topic back to Quidditch. Sirius quickly steered them away from it.

"Ok, time for bed!" Sirius exclaimed, playfully pushing James off his bed.

When the boys fell asleep, Remus snuck out of bed quickly. He could feel the racing of his heart and he was scared he might've waited too long. It was quite a haul to the shack. But he was nothing if he wasn't determined. He raced out of the common room and fled out to the grounds. Practically running, he escaped to the shack that Headmaster Dumbledore had fixed up for him. With determination, Remus situated the chains onto his wrists and ankles. Hoping his alter ego would stay put in them, he slumped back against the wall. There was a small window in the shack which showed the moon in it's fullest form. The pale light came through and illuminated the dust-covered floor. One look at the moon and Remus immediately felt the rush of blood through his veins. It had begun. The transformation filled the empty air with howls. Slowly, Remus succumbed to the wolf inside of him. He tried his best to turn off his brain during these nights. His doing so had become a perfected skill. 

The nights Remus had spent under moonlight were countless at this point. But that didn't mean he couldn't remember each and every one of them. The scars that littered his skin wouldn't allow him to forget. Each one held a fearful memory. Remus only hoped the new ones produced that night weren't visible. If the disappearance wasn't enough, his new friends would definitely have questions if he came back with visible scars.

As the wolf ran it's course, Remus hid in the corners of his mind. The sun eventually made it's way across the horizon and wolf heeled. It ended, as everything did. Now he just had to wait for Madam Pomfrey to come and get him. The worst part of it all, Remus thinks, is the day after. With scars to tend to and soreness stretching out through his entire body, he is left to be miserable. Hidden away from any others with the fear of someone finding out running through his mind. Thankfully, for the first few hours of the day, Remus goes in and out of consciousness. By the time he fully woke up, he was laying in a bed in the hospital wing. Curtains surrounded him, sealing him off from any others who happened to be residing in the wing. 

When he was fully conscious, Remus sat up. Wincing as his entire body ached, he sighed. It was normal to him now, the aches and pains. It shouldn't be, but it is. As he settled into the new position, Remus picked up on a conversation that was being held outside of his curtains. 

"-scared me to death. No boy should have to go through this at such a young age. No one should ever have to go through it but at 11? It's terrible. And he was so banged up. Cuts and bruises littered him. He was unconscious when I got to him, and when I picked him up, he weighed lighter than I ever would've expected. The boy needs help." Madam Pomfrey's voice was the first Remus picked up on. He was used to the pity, but this hurt more than normal. He knew he was bad, but to hear it from someone in her position really made it sink in. It wasn't his fault, he knew that, but sometimes he wished he would've just let his father put him out of his misery like he had wanted to.

"Poppy, I know it's hard, but the boy needs our support more than ever. He doesn't need more pity, I'm sure he gets enough of it at home." Dumbledore's voice filled the room. Remus smiled slightly, silently thanking the man for sticking up for him. No many people did.

"I know. It's just hard. I hate to see him like that." Madam Pomfrey replied, sighing. He heard her move, so he closed his eyes in case she came to check on him. 

She did just that. Remus heard the footsteps and noticed that it sounded like there were more than two sets of them. Not daring to open his eyes, Remus waited for the other person to speak. They didn't. Madam Pomfrey applied a bandage on his arm and he decided to 'wake up'. He slowly blinked his eyes open and moved just a little. Madam Pomfrey smiled at him, but it didn't quite reach her eyes. Remus smiled back and looked around the room. Dumbledore was there like he expected, but so was Professor McGonagall. He guessed it made sense, considering she was his head of house. The woman's mouth twitched upward slightly, which was the biggest smile Remus had seen her give ever.

"Good morning, Mr. Lupin. Are you feeling well?" Madam Pomfrey gained his attention once more as she spoke. 

"I feel as well as I can. And you can call me Remus, Madam. We'll be seeing each other a lot from now on, it's best to be less formal." The boy replied, a small smile still present on his lips. The healer nodded lightly, moving away from him to put away the bandages. 

"Alright then, Remus." Madam Pomfrey said as she turned back to him. "I've applied a little salve to all your cuts and scratches as well as bandaged them. The smaller ones should heal within the day. The others will scar, unfortunately. But there aren't many that will leave a mark. Do you need anything?"

Remus wanted to say no, he didn't want to be a bother, but his thirst overpowered that wish. "Yes, actually. Just some water, if I could."

"I will be right back." Remus smiled at her once more as she left to get his drink. When she left, he turned his attention to the other two adults in front of him. Neither had spoken to him at all.

"Good morning, Mr. Lupin." Professor McGonagall spoke first. "Your dear friends have shared some concern about not being able to find you this morning. I presume you've not told them anything?"

"No, I have not. And I would heavily prefer if it stayed that way." Remus told her, a pang of guilt in his chest as he did. 

"I guessed as much. I told them you had gotten sick overnight and they were not permitted to see you unless I strictly told them so. Madam Pomfrey has been informed of this as well, in case they try to sneak in. But I do advise you to tell them at some point, I'm sure they will figure it out in the future. They are smart, though I will not tell them that." She smiled a proper smile this time, with a slight glint of mischief in her eyes. Remus chuckled at the statement and nodded in response. She was right, ultimately. They would find a pattern at some point, it wasn't hard to notice it if you cared to look. But he was scared. These were his first proper friends and he didn't want to scare them off. And now that he knew what it felt like to have friends, he certainly didn't want to chase them away.

"I will, Professor."

-

By that night, Remus was feeling well enough to allow his friends to visit. Madam Pomfrey gave him a spare sweater to cover up in so the boys wouldn't notice his scars. Remus and Madam Pomfrey came up with a cover story before she informed McGonagall that he was ready. He had decided that he had a fever and had been diagnosed with nasty allergies. It was their best option with the current weather.

"Remus!!" James and Sirius exclaimed at the same time. The three boys came bounding into the hospital wing and surrounded Remus' bed. Remus himself was sitting up properly, but he was still sore. He tried to hide it as best as he could.

"Hey, guys." Remus greeted them with a big smile. "Thanks for worrying about me." 

"How could we not?!" James said with a slightly humorous expression. He was highly worried, in his defense. "You're our best friend! We'll always worry about you." 

The pang in Remus' chest returned along with the familiar fantasy of what would happen if he was just honest with them. But he quickly shook the thoughts and smiled through the pain. "Thank you, guys. Seriously."

Sirius laughed. 

"Anyway-" Remus continued, blowing past Sirius' expression. "I should be able to go to breakfast tomorrow morning. Madam Pomfrey wants me to stay overnight just to be safe. She told me it was just allergies and gave me some medicine, so I'm not contagious or anything. It's just the fever I had she's worried about. It went away about midday, but she's scared it'll come back."

"That's no fun. We wanted you to come back to the dorms tonight. Sirius went to that girl we met at lunch, Marlene, and they raided the kitchen for you. There are tons of chocolate and other sweets just waiting to be eaten." James said, almost pouting.

"It's true. Marlene is wicked. I've never met anyone quite like her. You'd like her, I think. She's awesome. And she taught me how to get into the kitchen, so we can go anytime." Sirius told him, smiling widely. He was currently occupying the chair beside Remus' bed. "You know, we could always go get that stuff and bring it here for you. We could all stay over here, couldn't we James?"

"Yeah! Will Pomfrey let us, though?" 

"Uh..." Remus stalled, not sure.

"Will I let you do what?" Pomfrey stood at the end of Remus' bed, arms crossed.

"Um... We were wondering if we could stay with Remus overnight? We're really worried about him and I know it's not fun to be alone." James spoke for the three.

"I suppose so, but you'll have to let the poor boy sleep, okay? He needs rest." She told them, shaking her head and walking out. James turned back to his friends and fist-pumped in victory. 

"Okay, who wants to go get the sweets?" James asked, looking at his friends.

"I'll go." Peter volunteered, perking up. "Professor McGonagall likes me, so she'll let me go if she finds me."

"She likes us all!" Sirius exclaimed, frowning.

"Sure."

"Peter can go." James said, quieting Sirius.

"You guys really don't have to do this," Remus said again, feeling guilty. Sirius quickly jumped up and knelt down directly in front of him.

"We do. You're our friend and we care about you. Whether you like it or not, you're stuck with us and we're going to take care of you when you're sick. So deal with it and eat the sweets Peter is getting."

"Ok, mom."


	5. Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone who celebrates! This chapter is a result of me actually planning my story for once, so I hope to get some new ones up soon. I'm afraid I go back to school in a week, though.

Remus was cautious to hide his scars even more than normal throughout the first week after the full moon. He knew it would raise questions he didn't want to answer, so he made sure to avoid it at all costs. Classes were still pretty simple, but they were starting to get homework. Currently, Remus was sitting in the common room alone doing homework while Sirius, James, and Peter were at flying lessons. As it wasn't a required course, Remus opted out. Peter was only there because he followed James and Sirius was dragged out against his will. A lovely dad indeed.

Sometime after Remus sat down with his homework, a young girl came and sat near him. It took him a minute to realize that someone had done so, but when he looked up, he noticed it was the girl who had talked to Sirius in the library. Lily something?

"Good afternoon." She said when he looked up. "I'm not sure if you remember me, but I'm Lily Evans. I talked to Sirius in the library."

"I was just recalling that." Remus smiled at her. "My name is Remus Lupin, it's nice to meet you."

"Likewise. I was actually wondering if you could help me. I saw you with your Charms homework. It's all so new to me, and I'm just a bit confused." Lily asked him, looking sheepish. She fidgeted with the books and parchment in her hands as she spoke. 

"Only if you help me in Transfiguration." Remus laughed, scooting over on the couch they were occupying. Lily laughed along with him, situating herself beside him and opening her book. The two of them got to work and enjoyed each other's company. It was weird to Remus how easily the two of them got along. He wasn't one who made friends often, but he seemed to be pretty good at it. It confused him immensely, but he was okay with that. 

When they tackled the Charms homework, Lily started Remus on his Transfiguration work. She was as good as James was, maybe better. Remus felt slightly guilty to ask her instead of him, but she was there. James would have to get over it. The Transfiguration work was easier than Remus originally thought once Lily explained it to him. He finished it within a half-hour. When they were done, they sat together and talked about anything and everything. They seamlessly became great friends.

In what felt like 10 minutes, it was dinner time. James, Sirius, and Peter came bounding into the common room loudly. Remus stopped midsentence to look to them, laughing at the scene. Sirius was covered in mud and James was carrying him. Peter was walking behind them, laughing crazily. When James caught sight of Remus, he brought the others over. When they got over to him, James dropped Sirius onto the floor, wiping his hands off on Sirius' shirt. 

"What happened?" Remus asked them calmy, laughing only a little.

"Sirius fell off of his broom straight into a mud puddle," James told him, laughing uncontrollably when he looked back to the boy in question. 

"I told James that I'd never ridden a broom but he refused to believe me. 'You're a pureblood! How could not have ridden a broom before?' He kept saying. And I kept explaining to him that even though both my parents are magically inclined doesn't mean they had enough sense to teach me how to ride a broom. No one in my entire family has ever played Quidditch."

"Which is exactly why you should!" James interrupted. "You're a Gryffindor! Why stop the 'traitorous behavior' with that? Be a Quidditch player."

"Other than falling off and into a puddle, how did you do with riding?" Remus asked the boy, ignoring James.

"I did pretty decently. Once I fell, I was more determined to do it correctly, so I've made a lot of progress. And James makes a good point, it would be quite scandalous for me to become a Quidditch player. So I'll think about trying out." Sirius said, making his decision. 

"You do a lot of things out of spite, don't you?" Lily spoke for the first time since the other three arrived. James did a double-take, just noticing her presence.

"Indeed. Spite is a great motivator." Sirius laughed, smiling at the girl. He didn't seem to be surprised by her presence at all.

"I'll have to try it out." 

-

After dinner, the four boys returned to the common room and sat around. It was a Friday, so there wasn't anything pressing to be done or to motivate them to get to sleep. Not too long after they sat down, Lily and Marlene came over with another friend. They claimed to be bored and had an idea for something to do. 

"Has anyone here heard of a game called 'Truth or Dare'?" Lily asked, initiating a groan from Remus. The other three boys stared in confusion. Marlene and Alice (Lily's second friend) began giggling, clearly understanding the game that was mentioned. 

"Clearly Remus has," Sirius said, looking at the boy expectingly. 

"Yep. I'll let Lily explain, though."

"It's a game where a group of friends asks one another 'Truth or Dare'. The person being questioned chooses one, truth or dare. If you choose 'truth' you are asked a question to which you have to reply with the complete truth. If you choose 'dare', you are given something to do. If you choose to not answer or not do the thing, you have a forfeit. Usually, when I play it, the forfeit is decided by the group and you 100% have to do it." Lily explained, smiling at the fearful expressions the boys wore.

"That sounds-" James started. "Amazing! Let's do it."

"Does everyone else want to?" Lily asked, looking around and getting nods from everyone. "Alright. Let's get in a circle and I'll start. We can either go in a circle or ask randomly, which sounds better?"

"Circle." Everyone agreed.

"Awesome," Lily said, turning to her left. Sitting beside her was Marlene. Going around was Sirius, Remus, James, Peter, and Alice. "Truth or dare, Marlene?"

"Truth." She replied, choosing to start easier. 

"Have you ever snogged anyone?" Lily asked, smiling from ear to ear. She, of course, knew that Marlene had indeed snogged someone, but she wanted her to admit it out loud. 

"Yes." Marlene snapped, "Truth or dare, Sirus?"

"Truth." He said, seemingly nervous. Everyone was quite surprised by his choice, considering his personality. 

"Why did the hat send you to Gryffindor?" Their area of the common room fell deadly silent. Everyone was holding their breath, anticipating the answer. Sirius' face twisted into that of a frown.

"It called me different. I told it I didn't want Slytherin and it sent me here. I'm not sure the specifics, but that's about it. I wanted to stay with my new friends and I didn't feel like I belonged in Slytherin, I honestly agreed. I was different."

"Wow." Marlene sighed, amazed by the answer. Everyone else seemed to be the same, watching Sirius with a new air of respect.

"Truth or dare, Remus?" 

"Dare." He chose, surprising everyone. He didn't seem like the person to take that kind of chance.

"I dare you to go up to a random student and tell them you love them and then immediately break up with them and storm away."

"Nice one, Sirius," Lily commented, laughing.

Remus did as he was told and found a random girl to victimize. She was sitting with her friend and they were chatting idly. Reus approached her and tapped her shoulder. She turned around and before she could speak, Remus launched into his speech.

"I've loved you since the first moment I saw you. You're beautiful and I can't believe how perfect you are! I couldn't wait to tell you, I know we're perfect together. I never want to be apart." He waited for a second for it to sink in before going into the second part of his dare. "That's it! We're DONE! I can not believe you'd do that to me. You're ridiculous and I can't believe I ever loved you. Good riddance!"

He bolted back to his friends the minute he said his last word. The girl sat there, mouth open wide. She didn't know what to think. Remus didn't blame her. When he returned to his friends, he sat back down, out of breath. 

"I can't believe you actually did it," Sirius said, laughing extremely hard. 

"I'm not that lame, Sirius." Remus teased back, smirking a little. Sirius was left wordless at the sudden change in Remus' attitude. He had never witnessed Remus act that way and it made him feel weird. He couldn't quite place the feeling, but it was almost like a spark.

"I'm sure you aren't." Sirius choked out, smiling to cover his reaction. 

"Truth or dare, James?" 

"Dare, obviously," James answered, returning the conversation to normal. 

"I dare you to ask your crush out." Remus gave him his dare, smiling wickedly. The four boys knew James was smitten over Lily, but Lily certainly didn't know. James did something very James and did it without question. The boy was very upfront with everything.

"Lily, would you fancy a date?" He asked bluntly, smiling at the girl across from him. 

"I- you have a crush on me?" Lily seemed very surprised at this. "I don't even know you!"

"Is that a no?" James asked.

"It's a no."

"What a shame."

Nothing else interesting happened until it landed back on Marlene. Lily seemed to be good at coming up with questions when Marlene proved to fancy Truth over Dare. The second time Marlene was asked the title question, she chose Truth. No one seemed to mind, as the group came up with decently equal bouts of truth and dares. 

"What's a secret you've never told anyone before?" Lily asked, earning murmurs of approval from the group. A good question. Marlene hesitated, looking over the people in the group and weighing out which answer would go over the best. She had a few options to go with but ultimately decided on one that seemed the lesser of the evils. 

"I'm a lesbian." She admitted, lowering her head to avoid the reactions of the others. The group stayed quiet for a moment after she answered, and when no one proceeded to say anything, Marlene looked up again. Lily was beaming at her with pride and the others had similar expressions mingled in with surprise. 

"Cool. Now you don't have to worry about James taking an interest in you too." Lily decided to talk, easing the atmosphere. Marlene laughed at her statement, smiling at her friend. She felt relieved at the reactions of everyone, albeit surprised no one thought less of her.

"Truth or dare, Black." She turned to the boy beside her and continued the game. 

"Dare."

"I dare you to allow a person of your choice to do your hair for an entire week. The rules are: it can't be a girl and you have to keep your hair as they do it until they redo it. No taking it down or anything like that." Marlene smirked at her choice of a dare. Sirius had luscious hair, perfect to be messed with. He seemed to pride himself in the fact he had great hair, so it was a perfect dare for him.

"Coolio. James, Peter, Remus who can do hair?" Peter immediately dropped out and James seemed uncertain. Remus, however, was the only one who didn't seem discouraged about his hair-doing abilities, so Sirius took the chance. "Remus, will you do me the honor of fixing my hair for a week?"

"Proudly." Remus conceded, smiling from ear to ear.

The night went by without a hitch and continued out until about 1 AM. Of course, the first-years were definitely not supposed to be up at that time, but they didn't care. Their game had been fun and time wasn't important at the moment. When they finally did end the game, Sirius decided to approach Marlene for some clearing up about his dare and surrounding limits.

"Mar? Question." He walked up to her and spoke. The young girl turned toward him and grunted in response. Sirius took this as a sign to continue. "For my dare, when does the week start?"

"Well, it's Friday- technically Saturday." She checked the clock above the fireplace. "So, Monday. It'll be from Monday to Monday. But that doesn't mean you can't practice."

The girl added the words in a sing-songy voice as she walked toward the girls' dormitory stairs. Sirius chuckled and went with his friends to their staircase. When the four boys entered their room, Sirius rushed to the bathroom and came back out just to jump on Remus' bed. He was waving a hairbrush in his hand and exclaimed:

"Remus! Come do my hair!" 

Remus only rolled his eyes and walked over to comply with the boy's commands. He took the hairbrush from Sirius' hands and began to gently brush out the tangles from the other's hair. Sirius discovered he loved for his hair to be played with, but he would never tell anyone that (spoiler alert, Remus totally knew). Sirius melted into the touch of the boy behind him and hummed contently. It was a dream, he thought.

Soon enough, Remus finished brushing out the boy's hair and sat the hairbrush down. "Sirius, do you have a style in mind?"

"Can you do a french braid?" The boy asked innocently.

Remus felt no need to respond and got to work on the hairdo. He had learned a french braid not too long ago, so it was fresh in his brain. He easily worked the hair into the updo with grace, subconsciously humming as he did so. Sirius wore a big smile on his face as he sat with content on the boy's bed. It was the perfect end to the perfect night, in his opinion.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The truth or dare and hair thing was inspired by a Wattpad book called 'Nox (The Marauders, Wolfstar, Jily)' and the book is seriously amazing!


	6. Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy New Year everyone! May 2020 be the best year for you.

Sirius loved his hair. And that was an understatement. He kept it up for as long as possible before the dare actually started. He wouldn’t risk showering or doing anything that could possibly make his hairdo fall out. That, of course, exempted Quidditch tryouts. He would be dammed if a single thing kept him from further disappointing his family. The following day, a Saturday, held Quidditch tryouts. Both James and Sirius were trying out. Remus wished to go, but he was feeling under the weather. Nothing a cup of tea and a chocolate bar couldn't fix, but he didn't want to go out and make it worse. The boys weren't upset at all, knowing that their friend's health was more important than him being there for their tryouts. Peter did come, however. He occupied the stands and watched with pure interest.

While the three boys went and did that, Remus stayed in the library, curled up with a cup of tea and a good book. A perfect recovery opportunity, he thought. A few hours into his stay at the library, a certain red-head made her way over to him. Remus was oblivious to this, of course, being stuck in the book he was reading. But that didn't bother Lily, as she had her own book to escape into. The two sat in silence for a long while before Remus noticed her presence. He sat his book and tea down, eyeing the girl sat across from him. She felt his eyes on her and looked up with a smile. 

"Good afternoon, Remus." She said, sitting her book down. The two were alone in the back of the library, so there was no need to be too quiet. 

"Is it afternoon already? I haven't kept track of time." Remus chuckled to himself, checking his watch. It indeed was the afternoon, 2:04 PM to be exact. "Now that I'm thinking of it, have you eaten yet? I haven't since breakfast and I'm just now realizing how hungry I am."

"I haven't." She told him. "We can go together if you'd like."

"I'd love to. You can lead the way."

The pair headed to the Great Hall in a comfortable chat. Their friendship, albeit new, was seamless. They were able to carry a conversation over anything at any time. People who didn't know the two could've easily suspected they were best friends. Neither of them knew what it was that clicked between them, but now that they were friends, they couldn't possibly imagine a time when they weren't. James was inevitably jealous, having a huge crush on Lily. He acted as if Remus were going to take her from him, but both Remus and James knew that that wasn't going to happen. Lily tolerated James for the sake of Remus and her's relationship. James acted like a prat every time he was in her presence. He had asked her out twice now, counting the one at breakfast that morning. She didn't speculate he would let it go anytime soon, unfortunately.

After lunch, Remus and Lily retreated back to the library, reading once again. Quidditch tryouts ended right before dinner, Remus had been told. So they had a quite decent amount of time before the three boys would return. Sirius had left after breakfast with James and Peter to practice a little before tryouts, leaving Remus alone for most of the day. Not that he minded. And anyway, Sirius had given him a big thank you speech for his hair before he left. Ever since he had done his hair the one time, Sirius viewed him as a perfect being. Remus knew he wasn't, but he appreciated the sentiment. He liked feeling appreciated for once.

The day continued along like a train, billowing by without much notice from the standers-by. Remus and Lily were occupied with their books, so much so that evening came with much speed. Before they knew it, Sirius, James, and Peter rushed into the Library. The three boys were scolded by Madam Pince but they didn't mind. They found their way back to where Remus and Lily were sitting with ease. James and Sirius sported red cheeks and wind-blown hair. Peter also had red cheeks, but his hair was in place, for the most part. 

"Is it this late already?" Remus exclaimed, sitting his book down. Lily followed suit, sitting back and watching the scene unfurl. 

"5:45 on the dot." Sirius supplied, smiling from ear to ear. "And we come bearing good news."

"Which is?" Remus urged, even though he already knew the answer. From the smiles that all three boys bore and the arrogance practically floating off of James, it was clear they made the team. His inference was correct, as James confirmed it in a confident tone.

"Sirius and I are new members of the Gryffindor Quidditch team!"

"I'm proud of you both," Remus told them, smiling as well. "Now, who's ready for dinner?"

The five of them made their way to the Great Hall, James making up some dumb way to ask Lily out once again (she said no). Dinner came and went with as much speed as the day before it had. Before they knew it, the boys were in their dormitory room on the verge of sleep. The next day was the last of the weekend, meaning it was time to do all of their homework before school started once again. 

Remus was the last to fall asleep, ridden with bad thoughts and negativity. He didn't mean to spiral into the dreaded black hole of self-loathing, but he couldn't help it. His brain was dead set on making him miserable, as it did many times. Tonight's topic was love. Something frequenting his brain. Of course, Remus was not one to judge others on their sexuality, but when it came to himself he did. It had never phased him to see two men together, love is love. But when Remus started thinking about boys in the way many boys did about girls, his subconscious ridiculed him. It wasn't right. He was mean to be with a girl, like his father and grandfather. No one in his entire family, that he knew of, was gay. They were all normal. Of course, the werewolf had to be the one to be gay. He hated himself for these thoughts that flitted through his brain. And now they were including someone they definitely shouldn't. But that's a tale for another night.

At last, Remus managed to fall asleep. His dreams were the normal ones, filled with full moons and disappointed fathers. Not anything that plagued him as much as his thoughts did before he fell asleep. When he did wake up, it was far too early. Not only did he fall asleep in the wee hours of the morning, but he also woke up as the sun did. With his 3 or so hours of sleep, Remus trudged out of bed and into the bathroom. A shower would solve his problems for now. And it seemed to.

When he returned to the room, Sirius was up. Remus had to do a double-take, as the young Black was never up before 11 at the earliest. But he was awake, rubbing his eyes as he sat up in his bed. He smiled at Remus when he noticed him, and Remus returned the gesture. His heart did a flip in his chest too, but that wasn't relevant. Sirius' hair fell onto his shoulders in a messy heap, the braid being undone. It had to have fallen out during the night, as it was still intact when the boys went to bed.

"You're up early," Remus whispered to the boy as he returned to his bed. Sirius nodded in response, suppressing a yawn.

"Couldn't fall back to sleep." He said, voice thick with sleep.

"That sucks," Remus noted, sitting back down.

"Yep." Sirius agreed, popping the 'p'. He stretched with a deep sigh. Looking around at the other soundly sleeping boys, Sirius made a rash decision. "Do you wanna go down to breakfast? I know it's early and everything, but dumb and dumber are sleeping like logs. I could really go for some coffee, anyway."

Remus' heart flipped again. "Let's do it."

The two boys made their way to the Great Hall, falling into easy conversation. The hall was almost empty, considering the fact it was not even 7 in the morning on a Sunday. Sirius and Remus sat down and filled their plates with delicious smelling food. The morning was simple and they both loved it. Sirius lived for this easy, simple morning with friends. All he ever had was arguments over meals, nothing like this. He was beginning to like Hogwarts more than he ever imagined. It was truly like a dream. 

When the two left after they had eaten, they were not alone. Neither of them noticed the two Slytherin kids that followed them out of the Hall. Once they got into a corridor, the two let their presence be known.

"Sirius Black." The first Slytherin said, drawing his words out in a snide, nasally voice. Sirius recognized the speaker without having to turn around: Lucius Malfoy.

"Oh boy," Sirius muttered under his breath as he turned around. In front of him was Lucius Malfoy and Severus Snape. An unfortunate duo. Remus noticed how tense Sirius got and wished to do something about it, but he didn't know what.

"I've just heard you've made the Gryffindor Quidditch team. I was surprised at first, but then I remembered a nasty blood-traitor like yourself would do something exactly like this." Lucius spoke, sending chills down Sirius' spine. Sirius was tough, but he wasn't that tough. Words like that still hurt, but he would never show it.

"And what else would a 'nasty blood traitor' like me do? You've known me for years, who exactly do you think I am?" Sirius retorted, raising his voice without noticing. Lucius always riled him up, even when he was a kid.

"You are an ignorant, foolish, blood-traitor who doesn't know his head from his arse-"

"Shut up." Remus spat. His eyes were gleaming with hate and annoyance. He stepped in front of Sirius to shield him. He didn't know what he was doing, but he wouldn't let anyone speak about his friend like that. No matter where they came from.

"And who are you? His filthy little friend?" Lucius turned his attention to the taller boy as if he were just a simple annoyance. 

"I am his friend, for your information. And I will not stand to let anyone speak to my friend like that." Remus said.

"You do not let me do anything-"

"That's enough, boys." A voice said from behind them. All four turned to see who it was and Lucius' face paled when he did. Professor McGonagall stood with her arms crossed and a foul look upon her face. "I will not stand for bullying. 10 points from Slytherin."

"Professor-"

"No more talking. Malfoy, Snape, back to the Great Hall. Slughorn is waiting. Black, Lupin, with me." McGonagall instructed, turning on her heel and leading the boys to her office. Sirius and Remus stayed silent the entire walk, only sharing worried glances. When they arrived at her office, the two boys stood awkwardly in front of her desk as she arranged herself. She gestured for them to sit before she started talking.

"As I have said, I will not stand for bullying in any way, shape, or form. I understand that you are children, but it is not right to act like this. I also understand that it is not you two that were doing wrong. You were simply protecting each other, and I admire that. Remus, what I witnessed was very brave of you. A true Gryffindor act."

Remus blushed slightly, avoiding eye contact. This was not what he expected to happen. Sirius had the same thought. McGonagall continued.

"Now, Sirius. I understand this whole situation is difficult for you and I want you to know my offer still stands- my office is open anytime. I am here to answer any questions you might have or just to talk if you need it. Please do not forget that."

"I won't," Sirius told her, staring at the floor under his feet. 

"Professor Slughorn will deal with the boys, but if anything else happens, please come to me about it. I will deal with them if needed."

"Thank you, Professor," Sirius said, finally making eye contact with her. She nodded and a small smile appeared on her face.

"You are welcome. Now, you two are free to go, enjoy your Sunday."

"You too, Professor." Both boys said simultaneously. They got up and left her office, returning to Gryffindor Tower. The two boys sat in the common room by the fire, not speaking. They both were sorting out their thoughts. After a long while, Sirius spoke. "Remus? Can you do my hair in the morning? The dare starts tomorrow." His voice was quiet, shy. Remus nodded with a smile, he would always do Sirius' hair anytime he asked. But he wouldn't tell Sirius that. The two continued sitting in silence, thoughts spiraling. Remus, in particular, was beginning to realize something he didn't quite want to. 

He had feelings for Sirius.


	7. Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I know Dorcas Meadowes is probably a Gryffindor, but for the sake of fun, she's going to be a Ravenclaw. Enjoy the chapter, but it's a little shorter than normal. Also, I apologize in advance for the end :)

The next few weeks were largely uneventful. Classes were attended, homework was done, Quidditch practice was held. The time went by quickly and soon enough it was time for the first Quidditch game. James was a little more annoying than normal, hiding his nervousness with arrogance. He simply stated that they were going to win. He was confident in that fact. Or, he seemed confident in that fact. Inside, he was a mess. He was a chaser, so everyone depended on him. It tore him apart as the days came closer to the first game. He hardly slept, and when he did, he was ridden with nightmares about losing and his team hating him. The bags under his eyes were proof enough.

Currently, it was 4 AM on the day of the first match. The castle was quiet. Everyone was sleeping. Well, almost everyone. A certain James Potter was out on the Quidditch Pitch, practicing. Anxiety was flowing through his veins at a fast pace. The only place where he felt somewhat calm at all was the air. On his broom, James flew through the air. His hair was a mess and his face was red. The prickles on his skin were evidence enough of the cool temperature. All around him, the clouds hung low and the grass glistened with dew. As he flew, his thoughts left his brain and he was able to concentrate on the matter at hand: practicing. He circled the Pitch countless times, gliding up and down. 

Finally, at 5:30, James came to his senses and stopped. The sun was beginning to shine on the horizon, which meant it was time for breakfast. He wasn't sure if he would be able to eat at all, but he would certainly try. As he made his way to the Gryffindor Tower, the air around him dropped in temperature. The clouds became more evident, covering the sky. It smelled of rain, James thought. That wasn't good. But they had trained in the rain, so it wouldn't be a total disaster.

When James entered his dormitory room, no one was awake, not even Sirius. James sighed to himself and went to get ready before dealing with his friends. After a shower and a change of clothes, James woke Sirius. "Hey, Siri. Rise and shine." 

The boy only groaned in response. He didn't want to get up, it was early. The sun wasn't even shining into their room yet. But with a final shake from James, he decided trying to sleep wasn't worth it. He sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

"What the fuck justified you waking me up at the ass-crack of dawn?" Sirius asked. He cussed mainly when he was angry or sleepy, whenever he didn't have a filter. It caused James to laugh, seeing his 11-year-old friend spewing curses as his uncle might've.

"Quidditch day," James said simply, smiling as Sirius realized what day it was. The look of realization and anxiety that crossed his face was enough to make James feel better. Sirius hopped out of and changed with lightning speed. Within a matter of a few minutes, Sirius and James were waking up the others. They wouldn't have bothered, but Remus and Peter made it clear they wanted to be there for the two. 

Soon enough, the four were walking the corridors on their way to breakfast. James and Sirius stayed quiet, thinking about the day ahead of them. Of course, they were playing Ravenclaw, and Ravenclaw was relatively easy to beat. But that didn't do much to ease their nerves. Sirius, being the new Keeper, had the same feeling of dread and responsibility that James did. Both of their jobs counted on the game. They hoped they were good enough to win.

"You'll both do great," Remus assured them as if reading their minds. In reality, he just noticed their concerned expressions and guessed. 

"Yeah. I've watched you practice, you're both great!" Peter continued, smiling with enough intensity to improve the other two's moods a little. For the rest of the morning, though. James and Sirius continued to stay silent. 

"Alright, we're going to head to the Pitch. Get some practice in before we have to report to the locker room." Sirius told his friends when they finished breakfast. Remus and Peter waved them off and headed back to the common room to wait for the game to start.

It wasn't long before Remus and Peter headed off to the Pitch. This time, they were accompanied by Lily Evans, as she wanted to tag along. Remus thought it'd be fun with her too, so the three of them headed off to find seats. They could feel the energy radiating off the crowd as soon as they entered the stadium. Quickly, the trio found their seats and waited for the game to begin. As they were waiting, two of Lily's friends joined the group: Marlene and Alice. 

"You hear that Dorcas is commentating this year?" Lily asked her friends, smiling somewhat evilly as she glanced at Marlene. Remus was clueless as to the motive behind the smile but listened to the conversation nonetheless. 

"Of course she is." Marlene rolled her eyes fondly at her friend. "I didn't think McGonagall liked first-years commentating. What happened to the last one?"

"Graduated. I forgot he was a seventh-year, honestly. But they had to find a new one and Dorcas got the job. And I don't believe McGonagall dislikes first years commentating, she just likes people who know the team. I guess Dorcas fit the roll." Lily shrugged.

"Who's Dorcas?" Remus asked as the group settled into a bit of silence. 

A first-year Ravenclaw kid that Marlene likes." Lily told him, wiggling her eyebrows with a smirk. Marlene just face-palmed and groaned, hiding her blushing face. Remus chuckled at the response, smiling kindly at the girl.

"Well, here's your chance of seeing the true side of her. Commentators always have a way of showing their true selves in the heat of the moment." Remus told her, moving away from teasing her as Remus thought she got enough from Lily. 

"He's right, you know. When the teams are tied and the snitch is spotted, the air is silent and still. It's always in those high-pressure moments that you can see how a person truly acts." Alice agreed, gaining a half-hearted smile from Marlene.

"So, what're your thoughts on the outcome of today?" Peter asked, steering the conversation away as silence settled once more.

"Gryffindor, one hundred percent," Marlene said, nodding. The others murmured in agreement.

"Yep. But James and Sirius looked shaken up this morning." Remus sighed, looking toward the field to spot for his friends.

"It's the first game of the season, their first game at all. They're bound to be nervous." Alice pointing out. The rest of the group nodded, agreeing. 

"Well, I just hope they win. For our sake." Remus laughed. "If they do lose, we'll have to deal with their incessant whining for days."

"Remus!" Lily scolded. "Be nice."

"Oh shush. You know as well as I do they'll be insufferable either way, but I would rather take bragging than whining."

"Oh, I hate that you're right." Lily sighed.

Soon after, a whistle was blown and both teams made their way onto the field. The crowds cheered and clapped. The group of friends turned their attention to the game and watched as it started. Remus couldn't help but stare at Sirius. His eyes immediately trained on the young boy, zoning in on him. As the game began, Remus kept his eyes on him. He didn't even notice that he was so infatuated with the player. It wasn't his fault, the boy had his hair tied up in a ponytail, which looked ridiculously good on him. And his Quidditch uniform looked unfairly desirable on him. Remus was made a mental note that he was done for if he continued to come to Sirius' Quidditch games.

Gryffindor quickly took the lead and Sirius proved himself to be a very good Keeper, as well as James and being a Chaser. Within a few minutes, Gryffindor held the lead at 30:0. The quaffle seemed to never stay in the Ravenclaw's hands for longer than seconds at a time. The Gryffindor crowd was extremely passionate and loud, cheering on their team. It seemed to work, too, as they only got farther in the lead.

The game was thirty minutes in when the snitch was spotted. The two seekers dashed after it, quickly distracting from the game at hand. The Gryffindor's seeker was in the lead by a hair, hand outstretched. The crowd erupted in cheers louder than they were previously (which Remus didn't think was possible) when the seeker landed and displayed the snitch in his hand.

"And the Gryffindor seeker snatches the snitch, awarding Gryffindor 150 points! The final score is 210 Gryffindor to 20 Ravenclaw. Gryffindor wins!" Dorcas' voice boomed over the crowds, but the moment she finished speaking, the crowds got even louder. Of course, Remus and friends jumped up to celebrate with the rest of the Gryffindors. The crowd did quiet down eventually, but not for long. The Gryffindor students went back to their common room and held a small celebration party. Snacks and drinks were provided by some students that snuck into the kitchens. The common room was unreasonably loud, but no one minded. They were victorious and that was all that mattered.

Sirius and James were occupied with their fellow teammates and Alice and Mary were elsewhere with who knows who. So, Remus and Lily stood off to the side for the moment. They stood in comfortable silence, and Remus found himself staring at Sirius once more. The boy had an impossibly large smile on his face as he chatted with his teammates. Remus couldn't help but smile at that, he was glad his friend was happy. After a few minutes of not-so-subtle staring, Lily elbowed Remus.

"Oye, Lupin. Staring isn't getting you anywhere." She joked, breaking him from his trance. Remus was smiled sheepishly, turning to Lily as a blush found it's way from his face down to his neck.

"What do you mean?" He chose to play dumb, hoping she'd let him off. That didn't work.

"You've been staring at Sirius ever since he came onto the pitch. It's obvious, Remus." She laughed. "Don't play dumb."

"I wasn't playing-" With a rather intense glare from Lily, he stopped midsentence. "Ok. I was staring. But to be fair, I didn't realize I was staring the entire game. I couldn't help it."

"Of course you didn't." Lily shook her head, about to add something else when Sirius came over. He was smiling from ear to ear and he had a girl on his arm.

"Hey, guys! This is Emmeline, my girlfriend."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I, as a writer, promise to always let my characters make it to the end. No matter what shit I put them through, no matter how bad it gets, they will make it. That is something I have always prided myself in, so do not worry. The next few chapters might (will) get a little angsty, so brace yourself. But it will work out in the end. You have my word.


	8. Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer chapter to make up for the last one! As we're nearing the end of book one, the chapters from here to the end will most likely be longer than normal. 
> 
> Slight angst warning but nothing too bad

_"Hey, guys! This is Emmeline, my girlfriend!"_

Remus physically felt his heart shatter. He could feel each individual piece fall apart. But somehow he managed to keep a smile on his face and make polite conversation with Sirius and his _girlfriend_. Girlfriend! I mean, who would've thought Sirius would get a girlfriend so quickly? Certainly not Remus. He had hoped that Sirius was at least bi. He had hoped that the smiles and kindness had meant something other than friendship. But of course, it didn't. How could it have? Sirius was touchy, that was just who he was. He showed his affection through touch. He hugged James when he got excited. He punched Peter when he teased him. He was just a touchy person. Remus was an idiot to think that it meant anything other than that. His hopes had gotten too high. Liking someone always ruined his life. He could've kicked himself.

Remus made himself stay at the party for an hour. That was socially acceptable in his case. He would claim he was tired and go to the dorm and hide. When the hour mark rolled around, Remus did exactly that. He found Peter and told him he was really tired and was going to turn in. Peter smiled and nodded, allowing Remus to sneak off. He knew Lily would badger him about it, but that was a worry for future Remus. Right now, all Remus had the energy to do was hide under his covers and wallow in self-pity. 

So he went upstairs, climbed into his bed, and placed a sticking charm on the curtains around it. For a while he stayed there, tossing and turning. The thoughts in his head swirling and attacking. But after a while, he couldn't take it anymore. The boys weren't back yet so Remus got out of bed and then restuck his curtains so they wouldn't know that he was gone. He slipped on his shoes and headed down the hallway. At the end was a window with a balcony. The sun had almost set, so the sky was an array of reds and purples. Remus opened the window with a grunt, pulling it up enough for him to get out. Thankfully, no one was around to see him struggle. Finally, he escaped onto the balcony and sat down. His legs took up the remainder of the balcony, stretching out to the other side. Remus set his head against the metal bars and stared out at the sunset. He was lost in thought and the time passed without much notice to him at all. It was only as the night took over and the coolness made Remus shiver that he figured it was time to go back inside. 

Remus quietly trudged back to the room he shared with his friends. His chest was hurting with guilt. It just hit him how selfish he had been. Not only had he acted like a child by running off and hiding just because his crush got a girlfriend, but he also wasn't there for his friend. He didn't gossip with Sirius about his new girlfriend. He didn't act like a friend. He was awful. He needed to apologize. Luckily for him, his friends were still up when he opened the door. 

"Remus! We thought you were asleep?" James exclaimed when he entered. Worry traced his face, looking back from his bed to him. Remus' chest panged with guilt once more. He avoided eye contact and sat down in between Peter and James.

"Sorry, I just needed some fresh air. The dorm was stuffy." Remus replied half-heartedly. He snuck a look at Sirius who held the same expression James had when he walked in. 

"There's a window in here," James stated confusedly. _Shit_ , Remus thought. He forgot about that.

"I just really needed some fresh air. I thought I'd be back before you guys got back, but I lost track of time." Remus hoped his lies weren't hopelessly see-through. They seemed to do the job because James didn't press anymore. 

"So, Sirius. I've been rude. You have a girlfriend?" Remus turned his attention to his crush with a fake smile. 

"I do." Sirius smiled genuinely. "Her name is Emmeline Vance. She's a first-year, like us. Gryffindor, obviously. Half-blood, so at least I'm keeping up my traitorous acts somewhat. I do believe old Orion and Walburga will be happy to hear, unfortunately. Might spare the information in hopes of a good argument. Keep them on their toes, you know?" 

"Sounds like fun. I take it we like her?" Remus looked at James and Peter for confirmation. They both nodded. "Alright. Emmeline Vance. Pretty name."

"Pretty name, pretty girl," Sirius confirmed. Remus' heart hurt at that, but he kept his appearance up. 

The boys conversed like normal for an hour or so before they decided to sleep. It was nearing the end of October, which meant two things: Halloween and Sirius' birthday. Of course, James, Remus, and Peter were already working up a plan for Sirius' birthday. Remus was really excited. _Was_. Now he's scared he'll slip up and say something about Emmeline that he didn't mean. Well, didn't mean _to say out loud_. Remus wasn't sure he could keep it up for extended periods of time. And then there was Halloween. It was one of Remus' favorite holidays and some seventh years were planning a party for the Gryffindors. Costumes mandatory and all that. But, now with Remus' heart threatening to break if he's in a room with Sirius for too long... Remus doesn't know what to do. And when he doesn't know what to do, he goes and hides out in the library with a book. Thank Godric only Lily knew this. 

The next day Remus skipped off to the Library after breakfast, making up some half-hearted excuse about needing to finish his homework or something. His three friends shared a worried look but let him go nevertheless. When he got there, though, Lily was already waiting for him. Remus tried to turn around and flee hoping that she hadn't seen him, but of course, that didn't work.

"Remus Lupin come here right now." The red-head called. She was glaring daggers at Remus, standing with her arms crossed. Remus sighed and walked over to her. 

"I don't suppose you're here to work on homework?" Remus asked, looking sheepish. Remus knew exactly why she was here and Lily knew that Remus knew that. Lily didn't even respond to him, she just sat down across from him. Her arms were still crossed and Remus knew there was no getting out of it.

"Talk." Was all she said, but her tone was a lot softer. She knew her friend was in a mess and she wasn't mad at him. She just needed to get her point across that she wasn't leaving until he spilled. 

"Sirius has a girlfriend."

"It seems so."

There was a beat of silence in which Remus weighed the situation. 

"Sirius has a girlfriend and I'm being a selfish arsehole just because I have a crush on him." Remus laughed at himself. Lily didn't seem surprised or ask any questions. She just waited patiently for him to go on. "I have a crush on him! This idiot boy I met only a few months ago. He doesn't know anything about me and I don't know anything about him. We're friends, _best_ friends. I can't have a crush on him! It would ruin our entire relationship. It already has. I'm an idiot. I'm going to lose all of my friends over a dumb crush."

Remus sighed, finished for the moment. Lily took this opportunity to speak.

"Remus. First and foremost, you are _not_ an idiot. You are an incredibly intelligent boy that can't help how his heart feels. It is absolutely not your fault that you have a crush on Sirius and he happens to have a girlfriend. I know it's hard. I know that relationships can screw up your entire life and make it seem like you will never be happy again. But they can also make you the happiest person in the world. You just have to trust that someday, you will meet someone that makes you feel like that. You just have to be patient and wait it out. As for your feelings, it's going to be tough. I won't lie. But you will get through it and I will be right beside you the entire time. I will help you."

"Thank you, Lily," Remus said with a sad smile. "I don't know what I am going to do. I can't lose my friends. I can't ruin these relationships. I know it's a dumb thing to think. I know that it's not my fault, but I don't know what I'm going to do." 

Remus' voice broke and Lily jumped up to sit beside him. "Lils, I can't do this."

Lily smiled subconsciously at the nickname. "You can. You're strong. I know you are. You're brave. Everyone knows you are. You will get through this. One step at a time, Remus. That's all you have to do. And I think the first step you need to make is to come to terms with Emmeline and Sirius." Remus groaned. "I know it's hard. But if you do that this whole thing will be easier. And who knows? They're 11. It might be over sooner than you think."

"You're right." Remus sighed deeply. "I need to come to terms with it all. How do I do that?"

"Meet her. Say hi and see firsthand how she makes Sirius feel. Understand that your friend is happy and that this girl makes him that way." Lily told him. She looked into his eyes and spoke. Remus nodded, curling into her embrace.

"The Halloween party," Remus said.

"The what?" Lily asked, looking confused.

"Some seventh-years are having a costume party in the common room on Halloween. Costumes are mandatory." Remus explained, watching the emotions go across her face. 

"Cool! I didn't think Hogwarts would celebrate Halloween." Lily laughed, thankful for the chance to keep at least one tradition.

"I've always celebrated. I'm glad we're doing something." Remus agreed. "I'm sure Sirius will bring her to the party, so I can meet her then. Get to know her, silently plan revenge. That kind of stuff."

Lily laughed. "I don't know about that last one, but it sounds like a good idea."

"Yeah. Now I just got to make it through."

* * *

Remus made it through. For the most part. With Lily's help, he didn't have to hide in the Library half as much as he thought he was going to. Thanks to that, no one noticed anything out of the ordinary. Currently, it was one week out from the Halloween party. And also the night of the full moon. Just Remus' luck that these two happened to coincide. With stress from classes already toppled onto Remus' back, he now how to deal with a heightened sense of smell and hearing as well as trouble sleeping. There was also the slight problem of his more _animalistic_ needs that were only making life harder. The thought of telling at least Lily about his problems had crossed his mind too many times to count, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He was already in the midst of trying not to ruin his relationships, so his furry problem would have to wait. 

The classes for the day had just finished, and Remus found himself in McGonagall's office. He needed someone that knew his problems right now. Someone that understood why he couldn't stay in the Great Hall for longer than 10 minutes. And that person was his Professor. McGonagall extended the kindness of telling Remus that he was welcome in her office anytime he needed to be. With a promise of tea and biscuits, Remus couldn't stay away. It turned out to be exactly what he needed today. McGonagall freely listened to his complaints about his heightened senses ruining all hopes of him being normal for this week. The professor was a great listener, Remus had learned.

"It's really hard with classes too. For the most part, I'm fine. But if it gets loud I'm done for. And none of my friends know, so I can't tell them the truth when they worry over me. I know I need to tell them, but I can't right now. I'm already dealing with problems with them now, I can't add my monthly one too. I will tell them eventually. I just need the time to be right. And it's not." McGonagall nodded, making Remus sigh in relief. Sure, she had been the one to urge him to tell his friends, but she also understood why he hadn't yet. He appreciated that. "And don't get me started on potions. The smell- it drives me crazy!"

"I can always include Professor Slughorn in on the secret so he can make things better around the moons." McGonagall offered.

"No. I can deal with it. And not that I don't trust Slughorn, I do, it's just if any Slytherins found out. They already get on Sirius, I don't want them to have another reason to target us." Remus explained, drawing anther nod from the women across him.

"Thank you, Professor. This was exactly what I needed. It's really nice to have someone to talk to around the moons." Remus sat his teacup down and stood up. 

"No problem, Mr. Lupin. I encourage you to come by whenever you need anything. I do hope you get past your problem soon, both for the sake of friendship and so you can be free to inform your friends of your condition. As you said yourself, it's nice to talk to someone. I have no doubt that Mr. Potter, Mr. Black, and Mr. Pettigrew will be nothing but supportive and helpful when it comes time for you to tell them." 

"I hope so."

"I wish you luck tonight and I will see you tomorrow in the hospital wing. Do try to as careful as you can." With her last words, Remus nodded and exited with a smile. As he made his way back to the dormitory, Remus ran through his list of excuses. He was feeling under the weather, he tripped and fell, he was hexed, he hexed himself while practicing something, etc. No longer than the walk from McGonagall's office to his dorm did Remus come up with a plan. He'd have to run it by Madam Pomfrey before he set out for the shack. 

The night flew by, and soon enough Remus was out on the grounds on his way to the shrieking shack. He had got wind of the new name for his shack no less than two weeks ago. Some third years were visiting Hogsmeade and heard a rumor from the local shop owners. They say the shack is haunted and that you can still hear the screams from the family that owned it. Remus had to laugh when he heard the preposterous rumor. But it was better than a werewolf rumor, he had to admit.

As the night dragged on, Remus hid in the confines of his mind. The moonlight flowed through his veins with an intensity he hadn't remembered. Of course, his transformations were getting worse each month. As he grew, so did the monster. Remus tacked it up to that. Hopefully, he wouldn't end up with too many scars. There had been that one time he woke up with a giant gash across his chest. That was a rough night. He still shivers every time he sees the scar. 

As all things do, the night came to an end. Within the last moments of darkness, Remus' consciousness returned. This wasn't an unusual thing to happen, but it wasn't a monthly occurrence. Remus hated the times it happened, though. The times he was conscious in the moments the wolf transformed back were the times he ended up with worse scars. He would fight it in his conscious state but the wolf was stronger in those moments. Gashes appeared on his body and blood pooled around them. In his last moments of consciousness, Remus hoped he would be able to hide the new wounds as easily as he had the last few moons. 

* * *

"-harder to heal. There was a deep one across his chest that reopened an older wound. It was the worse I've seen him in the few months he's been in my care. It's going to be a rougher recovery this time. I only hope he has someone to be with him through it." Remus picked up on Madam Pomfrey's words as his consciousness came around again. Of course, this wasn't a good thing to hear. Remus was worried that this time had been bad, but he hoped Pomfrey would prove him wrong. Alas, it seemed not to go his way.

The curtains around his bed moved and in came two women. Remus recognized the red of Pomfrey's dress and the green of McGonagall's robes immediately. With a grunt, he tried to sit up, but Pomfrey stopped him before he did anything.

"No, no boy. You don't need to put any more strain on those wounds." She told him as she pushed him back into his bed. He sighed and nodded. "How are you feeling?"

"Not great," Remus answered with a wince. "Tell me how bad it is?"

"Other than one scar it was pretty ok. You have minor cuts on your legs and arms, nothing that won't heal within the day. But, there was a large gash across your chest. It crossed over an old scar and reopened it. You lost a lot of blood. It's good that I got to you when I did because I was able to give you a blood-replenishing potion. It's going to take a few days to heal properly. I would suggest you stay here for two nights at least, but I understand that you have classes that you can't miss. I'll let you go tomorrow morning, but I strongly advise you to be careful."

Remus closed his eyes and sighed once more. Of course, on the week before Halloween, he had to go and cut himself up. If Pomfrey was right, he wouldn't be fully healed until days before the party at least. He was screwed.

"Can I see the scar?" Remus asked.

"When you can stand. So, later today or tonight. I don't want to risk it opening up again, so you're staying off your feet today, understand?"

"Yes, ma'am." Remus nodded. He'd really done it now. "What about my friends?"

"Mr. Potter tried to knock down my door this morning," McGonagall spoke with a small smile. "I told them the same as Madam Pomfrey told me: you fell down the dormitory stairs on your way to the common room this morning. You sprained your ankle and wrist and you'll have to stay here for the night for precaution. As I expected, all three of them were more than eager to skip their classes and stay with you until you were healed, but I have warned them against this. They will be along during lunch."

Remus smiled, more to himself than to his Professor. He was glad his friends cared so much and he hoped to gain the courage to tell them sooner rather than later. "Thank you, Professor. I will tell them soon."

"I know. Please just refrain from having them do anything unwise when you do, I know that that group is going to cause us trouble." Remus laughed at her comment but quickly stopped when his cut started stinging rather harshly. "Have a good day, Mr. Lupin. I hope that you feel better soon."

McGonagall left with a curt nod. Remus knew that she cared for him and that made him smile to himself. He might be a little idiotic and childish, but he had friends and adults that truly cared for him. That was more than he could ever wish for.

* * *

The days before Halloween flew by and before Remus knew it, the holiday had arrived. The days after the full moon proved to be hard, but Remus got through them. He had to hide his wound but he had plenty of practice. By Halloween, it had healed fully and Remus was ready to party. The classes for the day were over and the four boys were in the bathroom getting ready for the party. It started in one hour, but the boys' costumes were beginning to act like they'd take them the full hour to perfect. Oh well.

All four of them had hidden their costume ideas from each other in order to surprise them. Remus was going as a vampire. No matter how cliche it was, it was a fun costume. The fake blood had been provided by a fourth-year on the Quidditch team. Some joke store at Hogsmeade sold it and he had bought it there. Remus had not figured out what the rest of his friends were going as, but he didn't mind. The only thing on his mind was to get his fake blood to look as good as he could. He might have to get some help later, but it was okay.

Fast forward 40 minutes and the group was ready to party. Remus had caved and asked James for help with his blood, which he happily did. Remus found out that James had dressed up as a pirate. Eyepatch and all. He looked pretty good, though. Peter had chosen to be an escaped Azkaban prisoner and his outfit looked very realistic. And Sirius. Good Godric. Sirius went all out. As a pureblood, Remus didn't expect him to be that good at choosing a costume yet, but, oh boy, was he wrong. Sirius had recently had a conversation with Lily about the Greek Gods. His favorite God was Apollo and that is what he chose. Wearing only a toga adorned with fake golf leaves, Sirius radiated magical energy. Remus swallowed thickly and tried his hardest to avoid looking at Sirius for too long. 

_Breathe_ , he told himself. He was going to have a proper talk with Emmeline and discover how wonderful she is and be okay with everything. That's what he had to do. That's what he needed to do. And so that's what he would do. 

"Wow." James breathed out a string of curses when they walked into the common room. Standing with a group of friends was Lily Evans dressed as an Angel. James went red and made a beeline for the girl. None of his friends had enough time to stop him before he didn't something he would regret, so they just followed him to witness his stupidity. 

"Evans," James uttered when he got to her. She sighed and turned away from her friends. They all smirked at her like they knew something. (They just liked to tease her). 

"Potter," She replied with a bitter tone. "Why are we being graced with your presence this nice night?"

"I thought I'd come and say hello. You look ravishing this evening." James commented, earning a slap on the back of the head from Sirius.

"Oi, mate! Stop harassing Evans." Sirius told him, rolling his eyes at the pure innocence in James' eyes. James huffed and moved along, throwing one glance back at Lily. She didn't look annoyed, which was a new thing. But before James could analyze that, someone was shouting Sirius' name.

"Em! You look gorgeous." Sirius greeted the girl with a hug that made her into a blushing mess. Emmeline was dressed as a princess. She had a Belle gown on, but it wasn't as fancy as the true dress from Beauty and the Beast. It was a more day-to-day look. Nevertheless, she did look gorgeous. Remus hated that. 

"And you look handsome," Emmeline told him, smiling from ear to ear. Now it was Sirius' time to blush. For a few minutes the two played catch up, but soon enough, Sirius turned to his grinning friends.

"Guys, would you like to go grab some food and sit somewhere?" Sirius asked, gesturing toward the snack bar. Everyone agreed and headed off to do so. They were sitting by the fire within a minute or two.

"Emmeline, we never had the chance to properly meet the other week. I was feeling rather tired the night of the Quidditch celebration, so I left early. I'm Remus Lupin." Remus extended his hand out to the young girl, doing his best to be civil. 

"It's very nice to properly meet you, Remus. I'm sure Sirius has told you a little about me, but I'm Emmeline Vance." She replied, taking his hand to shake. Sirius smiled at the pleasant interaction of his friend and girlfriend.

"How did you and Sirius meet? The boy hasn't told us." 

"It's a bit of a cliche, but I have friends on the Quidditch team and they told me to take my chance. I had visited a few Quidditch practices and taken a liking to this handsome boy. I introduced myself the morning of the game and the rest is history." She told them. Remus hadn't lied, Sirius really didn't tell his friends when they met. Or, rather, they hadn't asked. For some reason, it had never come up. It was a cute story, Remus had to admit. Unfortunately, Remus liked the girl. He had hoped to like her, but actually doing so wasn't as nice. But at least he could start to accept their relationship. Probably.

"That's a very cute story," James told her. Peter and Remus nodded in agreement.

"Thank you."

The rest of the night was pretty enjoyable, Remus thought. They hung out with Sirius' girlfriend and talked until the party ended, which happened to be around midnight. Remus was well exhausted by the time they made their way to the dorms. But before he made it up the stairs, Lily took him to the side to talk. Remus waved apologetically to his friends and told them he'd be up in a minute.

"How'd it go?" Lily asked him once they were alone.

"Pretty well. She's extremely nice and mannerly. Well-spoken. She's perfect." Remus told her, frowning.

"Good! Now you can see why she makes Sirius happy. It's not fun, but you get it now, right?"

"Unfortunately." Remus nodded along, crossing his arms. 

"Oh, don't be a party pooper. It'll take time, but you'll get used to her."

"I hope so."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This would've been uploaded sooner but I was listening to Hamilton while writing so I was a little distracted. But hey, it's here. Also... Shit is going DOWN next chapter ;)


	9. Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, I take my words back. This chapter isn't actually that long. But some important stuff goes down, so heck yeah. Enjoy!

As November took over the Castle, cold nipped at the students. The fire in the common room was lit every day and the windows frosted up in the mornings. There was the charm of Christmas being around the corner and all the students were excited. The beginning of November also brought Sirius' birthday. The four were very excited about this. Sirius had been informed of some of his birthday plans, as they didn't plan a huge party. It would just be James, Remus, Peter, Emmeline, Lily, Marlene, Alice, and Mary. They were set to hang out in the common room and just have fun. Sirius was very happy to hear this.

On the morning of Sirius's birthday, which happened to be a Sunday this year, the three other boys got up early. They snuck off to the Great Hall to begin the first step to making Sirius have an amazing day. This step was breakfast in bed. James stayed behind in case Sirius woke up while the other two got the food. It was 9:20 by the time the boys returned and got everything set up. 

Remus was tasked with waking the boy up. As he was the one Sirius refrained from hitting, Remus was perfect for the job. He quietly padded over to the boy's four-poster and shook his shoulders. "Sirius. Rise and shine!"

The young boy slowly blinked his eyes open, barely taking everything in before a voice spoke again. "Good morning, birthday boy."

Sirius sat up at this, looking around the room. James and Peter stood at the end of his bed with a platter of food. They were smiling eagerly at the boy. Sirius then turned his head to his right. Remus was crouched next to him, a smile plastered on his faces as well. Sirius felt a smile make it's way onto his face as the other boys' smiles were so contagious. 

"Mornin'." Sirius slurred in his sleep-heavy voice. 

"Happy birthday!" James and Peter exclaimed as they brought his breakfast to him.

"What's this?" Sirius asked, looking at his friends with confusion.

"Breakfast in bed! And this is only the beginning. We have an entire day full of fun stuff just for you!" Peter explained, smiling from ear to ear.

"You guys didn't have to-"

"We know we didn't, but we wanted to. You're our friend and it's your birthday. Now, eat up." Remus told him, effortlessly shutting Sirius up and putting a smile back on his face.

The four boys stayed in their dormitory for a few hours after breakfast, chatting and having fun. When afternoon came around, they left for the Great Hall once more. Sirius was going to meet up with Emmeline before meeting his friends in the Great Hall, so the other three went on without him and took their seats. Sirius took a while, worrying them. After 10 minutes, they knew something was up. With a final worried glance to the doorway, the three boys got up in search of their friend.

* * *

When Sirius waved goodbye to his friends, he went to the windows across the common room. His girlfriend was sitting there, staring out one of the big windows. He smiled to himself and approached the girl.

"Good morning, Em." He smiled at her and she returned the gesture. 

"Happy birthday, Sirius."

"Thank you." He laughed a little to himself, noting that this was the most people that have ever wished him a happy birthday in one day. The two sat together in comfortable silence for a few minutes, and then Sirius spoke. "You're gorgeous, Em. You really are."

"Oh, Sirius." The girl hid her face in a failed attempt to cover her blushing cheeks. "You're handsome too, you know that? You're really handsome."

"Ah, thank you." It was Sirius' turn to blush now. Another silence settled between the two. Sirius began scooting closer to the girl, excitement running through his veins. He had something he wanted to do, but he was scared she would reject him. But as he continued to get closer, the girl stayed silent. Anticipation sparked between both Gryffindors, heating the air.

Sirius' hand found it's way on to Emmeline's and soon their hands were clasped together. Seconds passed and Sirius now found himself turned toward his girlfriend. Her eyes were locked onto his, but his gaze dropped lower every here and there. Emmeline's blush only deepened, knowing what was about to happen. Finally, it happened. Sirius lowered his head on their lips met. Only for a second. Sirius jerked his head back and took his hand away from Emmeline's. Breathing heavily, Sirius stuttered out a few words when he stood up.

"I'm sorry- I can't. We can't- I just- I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Em. You deserve better. I'm sorry. But I just can't. I have to go." Sirius rushed up the dormitory stairs and into his room. With a slam of the door, Sirius jumped into his bed and tried to calm his breathing. His thoughts are swirling and he was scared. Scared of what they're proving. He's scared of what caused this. He knows exactly what he is thinking, but he doesn't want to admit it. He can't admit it, because it can't be true. But it is. He knows it is. 

_'I'm an idiot. She was perfect and sweet and kind and pretty and_ perfect _. What was I thinking?'_ Sirius screamed at himself internally. But his subconscious only yelled back.

' _You don't like her. You never did. You're a fool for thinking it ever would've worked out. You can't date a girl. And you know why. Say it._ ' Sirius shook his head to get rid of his thoughts, but it didn't work. They were still there and they weren't going away. 

_'Say it!_ ' His subconscious screamed, egging him on. Sirius was close to tears now, blinking them back but to no avail. He was a mess. And on his birthday, no less. With one final deep breath, Sirius allowed his mind to cave in.

' _I'm gay._ ' Sirius finally admitted. His thoughts slowed to a dull throb in the back of his head. He could breathe again and he hated the reason behind it. He didn't want to accept this. He couldn't be gay. He was a Black. He was going to grow up into an arranged marriage with a lovely Pureblood girl. He was going to produce more heirs to the Black Throne. He couldn't do that if he was gay. But, he didn't want to do it anyway. Even if he did like girls. He didn't want to put his possible kids through the same shit he goes through at home. He wouldn't. He would never torture his children like that. It was inhumane and cruel. He wouldn't become his dad. If everything else in his life failed, he would be sure to never become his dad.

And that was when the door opened to the dorm room. Sirius, sitting on his bed with tears rolling down his face, turned to see who it was. Of course, it was his friends. But he really couldn't deal with this right now. Yet he knew he had to. So he stood up and walked right over to James without a word and hugged him. He threw his arms around James' shoulders and stayed there until he could calm his breathing down. James was tense at first, but he soon accepted it and moved his arms around the fragile boy's waist. Motioning to his other friends to join, the four soon came together as one. Sirius stayed still until his face was dry and his breathing was calm, he stayed in his friend's embrace until he could face them without breaking down again. And when that happened, he released his arms and stepped back.

"Thank you." Were the first words he murmured, wiping his face. 

"You're going to be okay. Whatever happened is over now and we're here. It's all okay." James told him, leading the group to sit on someone's bed. Sirius nodded at his words and took another deep breath. He knew he had to explain at least some of it, so he braced himself.

"I kissed Emmeline," Sirius said quietly. "I kissed her and then I broke up with her and ran up here."

That was not what they were expecting him to say the least. James cracked a smile in his effort to not laugh. He knew it wasn't appropriate, but he couldn't help it. Sirius noticed and smiled too, letting a small laugh out. Soon enough, all four boys were laughing hysterically. When they finally calmed down, Sirius felt 10 times better.

"So, was it that bad?" Peter asked, still laughing here and there.

"It's not that. It's just made me realize that I was being dumb and I didn't want a girlfriend. I feel terrible for her, though. I was kind of a jerk." Sirius explained, sighing as the expanse of the situation had finally hit him. "I need to apologize, but I think it can wait until tomorrow. Give her and me some time to digest everything. And I'm not dealing with this crap on my birthday for any longer."

"That sounds like a plan."

For the rest of the afternoon, the four boys stayed in the dormitory. Time passed quickly and before Sirius knew it, they were down in the common room playing some weird game Lily suggested. It was called Paranoia.

* * *

"Paranoia."

"What?" Sirius looked very confused, and he was. Remus, on the other hand, knew the game that Lily had just suggested. Currently, their group was sitting in the common room. It was turning late, so there were not many people still up, but that didn't bother Remus. He knew they'd inevitably get loud if they were to play this game. It was fun, but it also ruined friendships. And it didn't seem good that Lily made a show of having to sit next to Remus when she suggested they play this game.

"Ok. So, Paranoia is a party game. We'll sit in a circle and go around to the left. The person asking whispers in the ear of the person to their left. They ask them a question, whatever they want. The person being asked has to answer out loud. After they've done so, we flip a coin or whatever. If it lands on one side, they have to say their question out loud. But if it lands on the other side, the question isn't revealed. I know it's a bit confusing, so Remus and I will demonstrate. I'll ask Remus a question."

Lily leaned over and whispered, "What's your middle name?"

"John," Remus answered out loud. People looked around confusedly, which they realized, was the point of the game. Lily then pulled out a coin.

"I am going to flip this coin and if it lands on heads, I will reveal the question. Tails and I won't reveal the question." Lily flipped the coin and it landed on tails. "Just for the sake of the demonstration, I asked Remus what his middle name was. But because it landed on tails, I wouldn't have said that if we were actually playing."

Everyone seemed to understand and they started the first round. Remus started since Lily had already asked a question. He leaned over to Sirius and whispered in his ear, "Who is the most attractive out of everyone sitting here? Boy or girl, doesn't matter."

As Remus leaned back to his spot, he let the ghost of a smirk linger on his face before wiping it off completely. Sirius thought for a while, contemplating. He looked from person to person, evaluating everyone. 

"That's a tough one, but I'll have to go with..." Sirius glanced at everyone one last time before settling his eyes on Remus. "It's got to be you, Remus."

Remus was flabergasted, for lack of a better word. His eyes must've been as wider than ever. He certainly wasn't expecting Sirius to say that. He hoped for Sirius to say that, but he did _not_ expect it. Lily handed her coin to Remus, allowing him to choose his fate. Now that he had heard the answer, he hoped to keep the question hidden. He didn't want everyone to know, he wanted it to be special between him and Sirius. With a stroke of luck, he landed the coin to tails.

"Sorry folks, you'll never know." Sirius laughed before leaning to James to ask him his question. After a few seconds, James' face lit up and he answered.

"Lily, one hundred percent." James had that arrogant 'James smirk' resting on his face as the girl mentioned looked curious. Sirius took the coin and he flipped. This time, the coin landed on heads. James looked almost sheepish as everyone turned to Sirius for the question.

"I asked him 'Out of everyone in the group, who would you snog?'"

Lily avoided all eye contact with anyone as a small blush crept up her neck. James continued the game, trying to take the spotlight off of Lily. Beside him was Peter.

"Cheese." Came the reply to the mysterious question from James. Peter didn't even have to think about it. Everyone snickered at the answer, curious as to the question. James flipped the coin and it landed on tails once more. Peter shrugged and turned to Mary. Mary was new to their group. Lily saw the girl crying in a bathroom and took her under her wings. She was really sweet and quiet and she seemed to settle into the group fairly easily.

"Uh- no."

Peter flipped the coin and it landed on heads. Everyone turned to Peter and he revealed the question. "I asked if she had a crush." Everyone shrugged. That particular question and answer weren't as intriguing, but everyone seemed content with it. Mary turned to Alice, who was sitting beside her.

"Frank," Alice said her answer with a quieter tone. A blush crept up her neck and everyone was ready to hear the question. Mary flipped the coin and a collective groan came from the group when it landed on tails. Alice turned to Marlene with lightning speed, avoiding all eyes and questioning glances. 

"Rude!" Marlene playfully hit Alice in the shoulder, drawing everyone's attention to her. "And no, I haven't." 

Alice flipped the coin and Marlene bit her lip as she watched her fate be chosen. The coin landed on heads and she groaned. Alice was quick to reveal. "I asked her if she had asked Dorcas out yet."

"Oh please, you're an idiot if you think Marlene will ask _anyone_ out! She has the dating skills of a walnut." Lily laughed, receiving a smirk from Marlene. That wasn't good news. Marlene wasted no time before whispering her question in Lily's ear. Lily paled when she heard whatever it was that Marlene said. 

"Go on, tell everyone." Marlene egged Lily on, crossing her arms to wait for the girl's answer. Lily took a deep breath before answering.

"James." Came Lily's answer. She spoke barely above a whisper, looking at the ground. Everyone looked at James who was sitting there with a bewildered look on his ace. From the apparent shame Lily was showing, he knew it wasn't something that he did. He was very confused. But then Marlene flipped the coin and it landed on tails. Lily breathed out a sigh of relief and her shoulders released their tension. Lily then turned to Remus with a newfound glint in her eye. She leaned into Remus for the second time and asked the question.

"I'll come up with some dumb ass question if you get heads because I'm not that mean, but who is your crush?" Remus paled. Of course Lily would ask that. Remus sighed and answered, hoping she would keep her word if the coin landed on heads.

"Sirius." Sirius turned to him with a curious expression, wondering what could've been asked. He started to ask about it, but then Lily flipped the coin. And it landed on tails. Remus let out a breath he didn't know he was holding and turned to Sirius and shrugged. "Sorry, private information." 

Remus held a glimmer of mischief in his eyes, smiling as Sirius frowned. He knew Sirius would badger him about it, but that was a problem for later. The game continued and nothing else of importance happened. The group disbanded around 2 AM. But before the boys and girls could go their separate ways, James confronted Lily.

"So, care to tell me about that question earlier? I noticed the embarrassment in your expression. Have I been on your mind?" The tone of arrogance James used to speak made Sirius verbally groan. He turned to Remus and muttered 'twat' under his breath. Remus agreed. 

"Go to bed, James." Was all Lily said before disappearing up the girls' staircase. Apparently, James had a moment of stupidity and tried to go after her. But with the charm still intact on the stairs, James only slipped and fell down the now slide. With a huff, he brushed off his pants and turned to the boys.

"Forgot." Was all he said as he walked with his friends to their room. Remus and Sirius shared a comical look before they entered the room.

After everyone was situated for bed, they all gathered on Sirius' bed. "So, minus the whole girlfriend thing, did you enjoy your birthday?" 

James was the one to ask, but everyone looked like they had the same question on their minds.

"It was the best birthday I've ever had." Sirius deadpanned, looking at his friends with genuine appreciation and love. 

"I'm glad you thought so." Remus was the first one to speak the obvious statement. "Happy birthday, Sirius."

"Happy birthday." The other two boys repeated. 

"Thank you." 

"Hey, have you thought any more on Christmas break? Are you staying?" Peter asked.

"I have, actually. I am going to stay. Remus, you said you might?" 

"I did. And yes, I am staying as well. I'm glad we can spend Christmas together, Sirius. It'll be my first one with friends." Remus said simply, not noticing the looks of surprise on the faces of the others. It was something Remus didn't even register as sad, it was just the truth. But once the concerned looks of his friends hit him, he realized that it was a little sad.

"You'll always have us, Remus. Don't ever think anything else. Even if we're not here or you're home for something, we're always going to be your friends. You can't get rid of us." Sirius said, placing a tentative hand on Remus' shoulder.

"That's really kind of you guys," Remus told them, his smile as genuine as the other's were. "And don't worry, because you can't lose me either."


	10. Ten

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello all. I'm so sorry for the wait, but the final chapter is here! A small side note: my computer is being wacky and decided to delete 5 paragraphs of my writing. So, um, needless to say, I was a bit upset and it took a bit to get my inspiration back. But the chapter is here and I can breathe now. I hope you enjoy!

Christmas was upon them soon after Sirius's birthday. The holiday brought cheer and snowball fights to everyone who stayed. The castle smelled like cinnamon and apples no matter what time of day it was. The house heads, as well as Dumbledore, stayed for the break, leaving the castle emptier than ever. James and Peter had left two days prior to the current day, leaving Sirius and Remus alone in their room. All of the girls left too, resulting in a far quieter common room than normal. The days to Christmas were being counted down and it currently was 3 days before.

The two boys spent the days up to Christmas like any young wizards would: having snowball fights. The two Gryffindors would pelt each other until they were soaked to their bones. Remus taught Sirius the game and he had taken to immediately. Because the grounds had been covered with snow ever since the middle of November, it was very easy to play for as long as they pleased.

As night came and went, the grounds became even more covered. Heavy snow fell as Sirius and Remus were sleeping, and they awoke to frosted windows and a warm fire. It was now 2 days until Christmas and excitement clouded the minds of everyone who stayed. Even the teachers were happier than usual. But that happiness ceased sometime around breakfast.

Sirius and Remus were sitting in the Great Hall, enjoying the broad choices of food in front of them. It was time for the owls to deliver mail, so the two boys instinctively looked up. Of course, neither of them was expecting anything, but it was a beautiful spectacle nonetheless. Remus had already received a Christmas letter from his parents and Sirius didn't even think of getting one from _his_ parents. So both of them were quite surprised when a brown speckled owl flew towards Sirius and landed on his toast. A red-letter was dropped in front of Sirius and in no time he grabbed it and ran. Remus was on his heels, throwing apologetic glances at everyone they rushed by. Because of the shortage of students, the entire hall was watching them by the time they reached the door. Sirius had learned from his past experience with a Howler, so he flew down the corridor and into an empty classroom before the letter exploded. The two Gryffindors were collapsed on the floor, breathing heavily when Mrs. Black's voice filled the room.

"SIRIUS ORION BLACK! I AM UTTERLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU. YOUR FATHER AND BROTHER ARE AS WELL. YOU OF ALL PEOPLE KNOW HOW IMPORTANT CHRISTMAS IS TO FAMILIES LIKE OURS! WE HAVE AN APPEARANCE TO KEEP UP AND YOU HIDING IN THAT FOWLSOME SCHOOL INSTEAD OF FACING YOUR OWN BLOOD IS NOT HELPING. NARCISSA ASKED ABOUT YOU AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT I HAD TO SAY? NO. I HAD TO EXPLAIN TO BOTH THE MALFOYS AND YOUR AUNTS AND UNCLES ABOUT HOW YOU DECIDED TO IGNORE YOUR OWN FAMILY! YOUR TRAITOROUS SORTING HAS ALREADY CAUSED AN UPROAR IN THE FAMILY BUT THIS HAS CROSSED THE LINE. WHEN YOU COME BACK- I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND HOW FURIOUS YOUR FATHER IS. BOTH HE AND I HAVE PLANS FOR YOU, BOY. AND YOU CAN'T ESCAPE US FOREVER. ENJOY YOUR TIME WHILE YOU CAN."

Sirius was breathless. He knew what he had done was stupid, but he didn't think it would result in something this bad. He knew when he returned home for the summer that he would be tortured. It was inevitable now. He could've just gone home. It wouldn't have been as bad if he had. And then he looked up. Into the eyes of a friend. A fellow Gryffindor. And Remus looked back at him with a mixed look of pity and sadness. Sirius couldn't take it. So in the wake of a split-second decision, he ran. He got up and just. Ran. He ran for as long as he possibly could. Up and down staircases. Down corridors and through secret passages he didn't even know existed. For 10 minutes he ran. Past portraits that called to him. But he couldn't hear them. His mind was finally clear for once. All he had to think about was running. And that's all he did think about. But after 10 minutes, his lungs screamed at him to stop and he had to abide. 

He sat down in the middle of an unknown hallway. His legs burned and he breathed so loudly someone could probably hear it from 20 feet away. When he caught his breath, he looked around. About 5 feet down from where he sat was a big door. He was pretty sure it wasn't there when he sat down, but he couldn't be sure. He had been so out of breath he probably wasn't thinking right. But nevertheless, Sirius stood up and walked down to it. He felt almost compelled to investigate it. The wood was dark and the door was bigger than any he had seen in the castle before. Sirius had no idea where he was, so he wasn't sure if this was out of bounds, but he didn't care. He pushed it open, halfway surprised to find it unlocked. The inside of the room shocked Sirius.

* * *

Remus stood in the same place for 5 minutes or longer. Sirius had just bolted out of the room off to God knew where. Remus didn't know what had caused him to run off, but the look on his face told Remus not to go after him. So he didn't. He stayed in the classroom they had run off to. Remus stood there and thought about the last 10 minutes. Their morning had been so peaceful. They had gotten up relatively late and gone down to the common room to find the grounds covered with fresh snow. The fire was roaring in the fireplace. Then they had gone down to breakfast. They had talked and laughed at dumb jokes. And then the owls had come in and everything had gone downhill from there. But Remus knew it wasn't his place to analyze the message from Sirius' mom. He didn't have to experience those terrible parents. He could only ever be there for Sirius when he needed him. And Remus told himself he would always be there for Sirius. He knew he couldn't possibly empathize with him, but he would be there to be a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen. 

When Remus walked out of the classroom, Professor McGonagall surprised him. She was standing in the hallway, looking like she was waiting for him. When he walked out, she jumped from the wall and strode over to him. She had a stern look on her face and Remus immediately knew she had overheard the Howler. The two walked in silence to her office. McGonagall didn't need to say one word for Remus to know they had to talk about it. He followed her without question. 

"So." The professor began when the two got to her office. She had closed the door and walked to her desk with little speed like she wasn't excited to discuss the matter. Remus understood the feeling. "Did Sirius tell you where he was running off to?"

"No. He didn't say anything. He just took off. I have no idea where he would go, either." Remus responded, feeling guilty. He should know where his friend would go. They've been friends for 4 months, he should know. But he didn't. And he felt awful. "I assume you heard the whole thing?"

"Yes, I did. I saw Sirius jump up and run and I instantly knew what had happened, so I followed you two in case you would need help or I needed to sit down with Sirius. But when he came out running, I don't even believe he saw me he was running so fast."

"Yeah. He was going pretty fast. I guess he just wanted to be alone. I don't know. I hope he's okay, though. We had been having such a good time. He just recently decided to stay here and I know he was worried, but he was enjoying it. He didn't mention his parents and I thought he was fine. I guess... I guess I was wrong."

"You might've been right, at some point. But that letter. His mother- that was awful. He has a right to go off and be alone. That was very harsh and he'll deal with it however he wishes. Unfortunately, for us." McGonagall told Remus, sighing deeply. She offered him some tea as they sat in a newly formed silence. But Remus declined and stood up.

"I'm going to head back to the common room in case he comes back. If he comes here, just- make sure he's okay." Remus said, heading for the door. McGonagall only nodded, waving as he opened her door. 

Remus did exactly what he said, he went back to the common room and sat down, waiting. But Sirius didn't come back. Not for the 3 hours that Remus sat waiting for him. Remus' worry only deepened. He didn't know what to do with himself, so he went for a walk to clear his head. He just held on to the small shred of hope that Sirius was alright. It was the only thing that kept him sane.

* * *

Sirius didn't know what room he had wandered into, but it was glorious. It looked like an old dueling room or something like it. There were mats padding parts of the floors and dummies stood in the corners with targets painted onto them. It was exactly what Sirius needed at the moment. He just wanted to get his feelings out and this was perfect.

He began throwing curses around, aiming at the dummies and perfecting his techniques. He stayed in there for what felt like hours. He stayed in there until he felt better. And it helped him so much. When he finally felt ready to leave, he cleaned up a little and headed back to the door. Before he left, though, he took one last look at the room, smiling to himself. When he did leave, he made a mental note on how he found his way back to the Gryffindor tower so he could come back. He was on the seventh floor, he learned. And praying that the staircases would allow him to come back, he memorized exactly how to get back. 

As Sirius approached the Gryffindor tower, the clock went off signaling the start of the hour. It was 3 pm Sirius deduced from the three chimes. ' _Wow, I've been in there for 4 and a half hours?_ ' He thought to himself. If he was remembering correctly, Remus and he had left for breakfast around 10:15, so 4 and a half hours seemed about right. That was crazy and he instantly felt guilty for running away for so long. Remus had to be worried and _shit_ , he would have to explain himself. It was going to be a disaster.

Sirius entered through the portrait hole to find the common room fairly empty. And there he was, Remus. Sitting on a lounge chair in front of the fire with a book in hand. Sirius laughed to himself, that's just Remus. He was incredibly nerdy and Sirius loved it.

Sirius took one more deep breath and walked over to Remus. Because he was reading, the boy didn't even notice his friend until he had sat down beside him. Remus' face lit up with a hundred different emotions when he saw Sirius. He put his book down and smiled at him. 

"I waited here for you ever since this morning. I was beginning to think you wouldn't show up." Remus joked to lighten the mood. He knew Sirius had had a rough day and he knew that it was best to just leave the problems behind as to not hurt the boy even more. Sirius was shocked he didn't mention the elephant in the room. 

"I found something really awesome. James is going to kill me when he finds out about it. It's so amazing he'll be jealous he didn't find it himself." Sirius told his friend, laughing at his very true guess about James. 

"What is it?" Remus asked, instantly curious. If it was so good James would be jealous, it had to be _good_. 

"It's a room on the seventh floor here. It's got all this training stuff in it, dummies and mats and so much more. I think it was probably an old dueling room or whatever, but it's awesome. I stumbled upon it after running. I probably ran for 10 minutes with no destination in mind, but I ended up there. And I'm so glad I did. It was exactly what I needed. I'll have to show you it when the boys get back. Or maybe sooner, we'll see." Sirius smiled as he explained his find.

"That is really cool, Sirius. I wonder if anyone else knows about it?" 

"I don't know. I kind of doubt it, considering how old and dusty it was."

"Huh. Well, then it's our little secret." Remus said.

"Our little secret," Sirius repeated, nodding. He liked that idea.

The rest of the day went smoothly. Sirius and Remus went out in the snow for a little while that evening and built snowmen (and pelted each other with snow). Despite what had happened earlier, the day turned out to be really amazing. When the two went back to their dorms to sleep, it dawned on them that the next day was Christmas Eve. With all the chaos, it had slipped their minds. Both of them wished each other a Happy Christmas Eve-Eve and shared a laugh before falling asleep with thoughts of the upcoming day. Nothing could've been more perfect. 

-

The next morning, Sirius woke first. According to the watch he had, it was 10:17 when he woke up, making him realize that breakfast ended in 13 minutes. If he wanted to eat, he needed to leave. _Now_. He woke Remus and both of them raced down the stairs and through the corridors in their pajamas. They got to the Great Hall at 10:23, giving them 7 minutes to get as much food as they wanted for breakfast. And considering they ran there, they had quite the appetite. 

Breakfast was spent sharing jokes and their usual banter. It was fun, normal, easy. Both boys couldn't have asked for any better. The rest of the day went by far too quickly for either boy's liking, and soon enough it was time for the Christmas Eve feast. Sirius and Remus went down around 5:50, as it started at 6. Both of them were excited and happy, chatting up a storm as they headed to the Great Hall. Sirius felt like it was his first real Christmas, and he was going to make it the best.

When the two entered the Great Hall, they gasped. Of course, the decorations had been worked on for weeks now, but the Hall was finally finished, and it was gorgeous. The ceiling was dark and reflected the light snow flurrying outside. The tables were set with special tablecloths and dining ware all shining in various shades of red and green. The high table had a special silver tablecloth with a sparkle of red and green tinsel sewn throughout it. Dumbledore's podium stood out in front also decorated with a heavy amount of various Christmas goods. In one corner, a gigantic Christmas tree stood, covered with incredible amounts of ornaments. The walls were decorated with wreaths and each table had a mini tree sporting it's house colors in the middle. The whole Hall just had a breathtaking look to it, and both Sirius and Remus were glad to be apart of the celebration.

"Good Evening students and professors. I wish you all a Happy Christmas Eve! This Christmas holiday our staff has been preparing the Great Hall for tonight and tomorrow for over a month, and it certainly has paid off. I would like to give a special thank you to Professors McGonagall and Flitwick for working the charms to make the Hall as spectacular as it is. Never before have we had such a beautiful Christmas celebration and I myself am eager to begin. With that said, let us eat!" Dumbledore announced, leaving his podium to sit with the other professors. The Great Hall erupted in chatter as students and professors alike filled their plates with the delicious food that had just appeared in front of them. 

"Happy Christmas Eve!" Sirius and Remus clinked their cups together in a toast to the holiday. Both of the boys were broadly smiling and enjoying the moment. In fact, they both secretly wished for the moment to never end. 

A few moments of silence filled the space between the two as they devoured the delightful food, but when the initial amazement wore off, they started up a conversation. Remus was the first to speak,

"Did your family have a lot of Christmas traditions? Other than the parties and whatnot." He asked Sirius, smiling softly at the boy. He knew it was a bit of a touchy subject, but he was curious. Sirius looked at his plate for a few seconds before answering.

"Not really. We had dumb parties at least 3 times a week, held a couple too. Christmas Eve was for mom and dad to get drunk and ignore Reg and me, so I started a little something for us. One year, I took him to the attic that I had spent a couple of months fixing up and we just sat and talked and had a nice night. After that year, we kept it up. This is actually the first year I haven't done it with him. It's probably the only thing I miss about home."

"Oh, Sirius." Remus stopped his fork midway to his mouth, staring at the boy across from him. He wasn't looking at him in pity, though. He knew what it was like to be stared at with the sad eyes and the hands on the shoulders, he had gone through it before. Instead, he looked at his friend with sympathy. 

"What about your Christmas? Any traditions in your family?" Sirius was quick to change the subject.

"No. I mean, we do the tree and the presents, but there's nothing special that we have. My mom loves Christmas, but my dad isn't too fond about it, so they compromised and just toned down Christmas." Remus told him, shrugging.

"Huh. Maybe we should start our own traditions? We could sneak off to the kitchen and bake cookies with the house elves or have snowball fights or decorate the dorm or all three. Just- something that's ours. Something to make the best of staying here." Sirius suggested.

"That sounds... amazing." Remus agreed, smiling again. "In fact, all three of those things sound amazing, but I don't know how the house elves will take to us baking cookies in their kitchen."

"They love me, it won't be a big deal," Sirius stated matter-o-factly. 

"If you're so sure." Remus laughed, eating his last bite of food.

"I am."

-

After the Christmas Eve feast, Sirius and Remus headed back to the tower, intending to change into their pajamas and sit by the fire. Apart from getting side-tracked by the snow outside, that was exactly what they did.

The fire was roaring by the time the two got back down to the common room. They got a seat directly in front of the fireplace as the room had almost no one left in it. Most people had gone off to bed early, excited for Christmas. But not Sirius and Remus. They sat in front of the fire for an hour, talking. The two boys had no problem coming up with things to talk about, finding it harder to stop talking than to fill the silence.

Once the fire subsided to a small flicker, the two boys went off to the kitchens. Still abiding by the curfew, they didn't have to sneak around. They reached the kitchen in no time and Sirius sweet-talked the elves into letting them bake cookies.

Their time spent in the kitchen was fun for everyone. By the time they were done, walking back to their dorm with cookies in hand, both of them were covered in flour. Sirius claims he didn't mean to spill the bag, but Remus doesn't believe him. Nevertheless, both boys were content. It was past midnight by the time they got back to the common room, which Sirius commented on as they entered.

"Remus." He started, glancing at the clock. "Happy Christmas."

"Happy Christmas, Sirius," Remus responded, sharing a smile with his friend.

They went up to their dorms and set the cookies on one of the dressers, agreeing they would save them for the next day. Because they were already in their pajamas, they got into bed and relaxed in their dorm.

"This break has just been-" Sirius said, pausing to come up with a word justice enough to describe how he was feeling. "spectacular."

"It really has." Remus agreed.

"I've never felt so happy around the holidays. I mean it, apart from the small-time I spent with Regulus, Christmas always sucked. I hated it so much. I always fought with my parents or just got straight up ignored, but now. Now I have a reason to celebrate."

"Wow, Sirius. I'm glad we were able to make the holidays fun. I've never really enjoyed them all that much, and I know you've had it worse, but I agree. I can't wait to spend tomorrow here and happy."

"Me too."

Silence followed the short conversation, comfortably situating itself between the two young boys. Neither of them felt the need to disrupt it, but eventually, one of them did.

"Good night, Remus. Sleep well and Happy Christmas.

"Good night, Sirius. Happy Christmas to you too."

As the two faded into a peaceful sleep, the last thoughts both of them shared were: _I couldn't be happier_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the end is here. I know it's odd to end in the middle of their first year, but don't worry, it'll be resolved with the next book. Thank you all for reading this and if you enjoyed it, stay tuned for the next one! It will be up in the near future (hopefully) and it will continue this story into their second year!


End file.
